"Spectator" Competitions

RULES AND CONDITIONS Entries must be typed or very clearly written on one side of the paper only. The name and address, or pseudonym, of the competitor must be on each entry and not on a separate sheet. When a word limit is set words must be counted and the number given. No entries can be returned. Prizes may be divided at the discretion of the judge, or withheld if no entry reaches the required standard. The judge reserves the right to print or quote from any entry. The judge's decision is final, and no correspondence can be entered into on the subject of the award. Entries must be addressed to :—The Editor, the Spectator, 99 Gower Street,

London, W.C. 1, and be marked on the envelope Competition No. ( ).

Competition No. 2I (Set by "Duact.") A PRIZE of £3 3s. is offered for a stanza on the lines of the Mad Gardener's Song in " Sylvie and Bruno," beginning

" He thought he saw the Schneider Cup . . ."

For the benefit of those readers who may have gone away without the works of Lewis Carrol, one of the Mad Gardener's verses is given below.

" He thought he saw a banker's clerk Descending from the 'bus : He looked again, and found it was A Hippopotamus: If this should stay to dine,' ho said, There won't be much for us ! ' "

Entries must be received not later than Monday, September 7th, 1931. The result of this competition will appear in our issue of September 19th.

Competition No. 22 (Set by " SCADAVAX.") ASSUME that an American film company has committed itself, in a moment of aberration, to the screening of four of Shakespeare's plays. A prize of £3 3s. is offered for the best list of the four titles under which it is finally decided that the finished masterpieces shall go forth into the world. Competitors should, of course, give the original titles of the plays as well ; but they may choose any plays they like.

Entries must be received not later than Monday, September 14th, 1931. The result of this competition will appear in our issue of September 26th.

The result of Competition No. 20 will appear in our next issue.

Report of Competition No. 19

(REPORT AND AWARD BY " DUGLI.")

A PRIZE of £3 3s. was offered for a Dinner Menu, written in not less than twelve or more than twenty lines of English rhymed verse.

This has been a good competition and it is pleasant, in these hard times, to imagine Spectator competitors who can pay for their dinners at country inns and foreign restaurants by a rhyme at the back of the menu card. Several com- petitors, noting that the rhyme was to be in English, resented- the fact that it should be a " menu " at all. " Menu " suggests a Gallic snare, says " Potluck."

" Let's have a British Bill of Fare !"

W. G. is also scornful of those who

To shield bad cooking with a Frenchman's lie!

My fare is plain. I speak my mother tongue.. . ."

and though he gives his diners mayonnaise with their salmon, he allows

" . . . no coffee here,

Nor Frenchman's wine, but honest, good strong beer."

C. W. Hodges' menu takes the form of " A Warning"

and is

" . . . framed for those who see The errors of our usual daily fare, For nothing_in the menu shall appear But such as all the knowing ones agree Is fit for humans . . ."

" Through " writes an amusing Chinese menu beginning with

" Birdsnest soup, complete with eggs, Served with rice and hoopoo's legs, Eye of dolphin, fin of shark . . ."

L. M. R. tells how

" Mr. Woodhouse is persuaded to give a dinner party to celebrate the engagement of Frank Churchill and Jane Fairfax. But ' while his hospitality would have welcomed his visitors to everything, his care for their health ' impelled him, to Emma's consternation, to insist on composing the menu himself."

James Hall gives the dinner of the Society of Meteorologists

at " The Mountain Mists," a meal which may well call forth the Epitaphs of Competition 20. M. S. C. has compiled a Spectator Menu, beginning with Clear Soup Editorial and including Dugli's Devilled Ducklings and Tartlets Scadavay.

The following competitors form a Highly Commended first class : Dims, L. M. Horn (for an excellent sonnet-menu), Captain J. R. Cleland, W. G., Isobel Shearer (another sonneteer), Miss Rosa Vine, L. M. R., Guy Innes, M. H. R. (for a Scottish menu of food that would be a test to a non- Scottish inside !), Rock and G. M. B. The prize is awarded to Miss Phyllis Kerr, Corrin Lodge, Killybegs, Co. Donegal, Ireland, for a charming " Sportsman's dinner." THE WINNING MENU.

A SPORTSMAN'S DINNER.

Once more from lakeside and from heather

At dinner you are met together,

Where first a Julienne Soup incites

To greater things your appetites.

The next course offers for dispersion The trophies of your own exertion, When you may speedily dispatch

The Trout that took so long to catch, Or lordly Salmon, or you may Prefer a Lobster from the bay.

The Grouse for which the moors were beaten

Now comes before you to be eaten.

Then next a Souffle soft conceals

Young blushing Raspberries. At its heels The saucy savoury leaves the post

With infant Mushrooms fried on Toast.

Then in your sportsman's tales arise Phantoms embellished with your lies.

And speckled skin and speckled feather Play in the dusky shades together.

Some Highly Commended Entries : Now here is soup—tomato, if you please—

Fresh Dover soles, all crisp and golden brown, A leg of lamb, which trod a Southern Down, Mint sauce and now potatoes ; fine green peas.

While as for sweets—with lemon (just a squeeze)—

These pancakes may appeal ; but should you deem Jellies or raspberry tart with clotted cream To be a wiser choice, try one of these.

Soft roe on toast will follow, and a dish Of mushrooms, nicely seasoned. You may toll The Stilton cheese has been preserved with care.

Here are fine cherries, ripe as one could wish, Peaches and apples ; candied fruits as well.

And coffee will be served of flavour rare.

L. M. Hoax.

* * * * Crayfish Soup for the opening dish ; Fillet of Turbot next, for fish ; With the sauce named Dutch {Though why called such Nobody knows or cares very much).

This is followed by Cutlets of Lamb ; Then Hashed Chicken appears at the meal ; Next (what was England's pride), Roast Veal, And Ham (you mustn't forget the ham) ; With these one sees Potatoes and peas ; Then, for the sweets to play their part, A choice of Currant and Raspberry Tart And Lemon Jelly Good for the digestion ; Concluding the whole come Straws of Choose.

When an epicure dines

He considers the wines ; Would you have them dismissed in a couple of lines ?

Yours humbly declines.

* * * * To-day with melon sliced our meal begins, Thick soup or clear, which then your fancy wins ? For fish, a choice of turbot or fried sole, Next artichokes, veal stuffed and served up whole.

Saddle of mutton will our joint supply, With baked potatoes, beans, and salsify.

For game a pheasant, and for sweets an ice, Unless you think fruit salad would be nice.

Biscuits and cheese may fill a vacant spot, And coffee, black or white, extremely hot, Will come, while grapes and ginger from the East, Duts.

Delight the palate and complete the feast. G. M. B.