Q. I recently enjoyed an evening meal at one of
London's best vegetarian Indian restaurants with some friends — enjoyed, that is, until a party at the next table, comprising two young couples and a baby, decided to change the baby's nappy at the table. The smell, as you can all too readily imagine, counterpointed that of our exquisite food. I found it hard to decide what to do. If the couple were so unaware of the effect on neighbouring diners, would they be able to see the reasonableness of my complaint to them? If they were all too aware but didn't care, would they take any notice of me? If! complained to the management, would the couple think me ineffectual for not challenging them directly, and would the management be able to do anything? Anyway, to complain at all would have spoiled the atmosphere at my table, where we were trying to have a quiet celebration among friends. I half thought of employing subtle sarcasm by engaging the couple in conversation on the relative delights of a baby's output, depending on its health and its recent meals, but this would obviously have been far too tasteless in the circumstances. What should I have done? What would you do?
C.M., London 8E21 A. No doubt the adjacent couple meant no offence — nature often imbues parents of new babies with the idea that the contents of said baby's nappies are a source of as much
interest and delight to strangers as they are to themselves. You could have jolted them out of their romantic dream by putting the ball into the waiter's court. Calling him over, you could have innocently inquired, 'Couldn't you give this couple a doggy bag to wrap their leftovers in? It seems a shame to use a perfectly good nappy.' Then, turning to the couple, you could have added, 'And rather a shame for you when you unwrap it, because this sort of food looks so similar to normal nappy content, it might make you feel rather sick. . . I know it would me.'
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