Headmasters in Conference
SPECTATOR COMPETITION No. 231 Report by D.. R. Peddy The BBC recently broadcast a series of programmes under the title 'Schooling 1954.' Com- petitors were asked to suppose that the series included a discussion between the headmasters of Llanabba Castle (Decline and Fall), Dotheboys Hall, Greyfriars and Narkover, and to submit an extract from this valuable discussion.
Perhaps this was rather a difficult subject; at any rate, the number of entries was very low, though those which were received were mostly well done, and entertaining to read.
I enjoyed, among others, G. J. Blundell's version of an exchange between the heads of Grcyfriars and Narkover: Dr. Locke: ... I mustn't mention anything as controversial as the classics, but tradition I look upon as a sine qua non. Dr. Smart-Allick: But why shouldn't we mention the classics? There's nothing more bracing for boys than the air of Epsom or Newmarket ....
I am also indebted to Major A. W. Dicker for Dr. Smal t-Allick's exposition of his disciplinary system: Now at Narkover I have a scale of remission charges. A boy sentenced to six strokes gets remission at the rate of 6d. per stroke, or 2s. 6d. the half dozen. Remission of 100 lines costs 3s., and so on. I thus uphold discipline with- out hurting the boy, and at a profit to myself. The boys have their own way of delegating justice. Some miserable delinquent is appointed scapegoat for the week. He owns up to all offences, takes all punishments and pays all remission fees. Sometimes I help out by, giving him a cut price for cash on the nail.
Honourable mention to them and to the Rev. J. P. Stevenson. I think W. P. B. deserves first prize, though I feel he has the name of the Greyfriars head wrong— Richards is, I believe, the name of the school's inventor. £3 to him, and the rcmain:ng £2 to R. Kennard Davis.
PRIZES (w. P. B.) DR. FAGAN: I fail to detect in the secon- dary modern school the polish that one strove for, without perhaps always attaining it, at Llanabba—whilst that species of usher com- monly called 'emergency-trained' is not, I fear, composed exclusively of gentlemen.
MR. SQUEERS: Thank God for that, Dr. Fagan, seein' as how ushers needs strong stomachs—which it stands to reason gentlemen ain't got!
(R. KENNARD DAVIS)
The Headmaster of Dotheboys Hall: Well, gentlemen, you'll agree that 'Schooling 1954' is neither more ner less than a follerin' up of
my methods. All the findin's of modern Fish-collcgy—phernetic spellin', trainin' the brain through the hands, findin' out by Join' —it's what we've been after all along! Keep 'em ockypied, don't give 'cm time to grumble, an' don't spite 'ern with over-feedin'—there you have it in a nutshell.
Greyfriars: -Ah, these writers on Education, they don't know boys! What does it matter what you teach them? They won't learn it. Look at my lot! All they care about is food and games and ragging their masters. Our job is just to keep the lid on, and see that the parents are satisfied.
Llanabba Castle: I agree; but to satisfy the parents you must have a certain Tone and Tradition. It needn't cost much; they don't look beyond the chapel and the playing field. Gentlemanly masters, a good show on Sports Dothcboys Hall: Ah—pay for! I provide for them as can't pay for the frills. 1 give a sound, practical hardenin' cddication at reasonable cost. There's philanthropy for yerl
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