COMPETITIO,

No. 582: Which Santa?

Set by E. 0. Parrott: Commercial Christ is with us again and Father Christm abound in toy shops all over the con How is the careful parent to make up or her mind which of these genial gentlemen offer the best whiskerage chin, value for money etc? Compent are invited to provide an excerpt from Which? report on Father Christmas maximum 120 words. Entries, mark Competition No. 582', by 17 December.

No. 579: The winners

Trevor Grove reports: A recent advert ment in the Personal Columns of the Ti ran as follows: 'GHOST urgently requi for period of Plymouth '70 Mayflo celebrations. Comfortable dungeons a sole haunting rights offered on hist° Drake's Island. All Spooks, Phantoms a Spectres of mild disposition who are to children but able to give holiday visit the "willies" will be considered . . C petitors were invited to submit a let applying for this interesting appoints on behalf of any ghost or spirit from E, lish literature or drama. There was shortage of applications: the Master Ceremonies on Drake's Island would ha had a devilish time making his choice. " strongly argued suits emanating from es quarter of the spirit world—even India: Huzoor: I am literary ghost not so fan but mentioned by Kipling Sahib and Gene MacMunn. I am a churel, which is Inds ghost of lady who dies in childbirth. frighten men but love the baba-log so not harm them. True, our feet are tu the wrong way round, but they are hi by sari. I can baby-sit in spare time, Hoover the ectoplasm. I have work•pe

psychic Research Society so no racial .,:rinlination and oblige Yours wraithfully, Devra Bibi (Ayah) Enclose please find lifetime chits.

Three guineas to Adam Khan—and two to peter Peterson: onoured Sir: Though fuller of words than was wont—two thousand years of unem- loyment marvellously loosen a man's ongue—I can dim tapers, chill blood, and aise hairs, as well as ever I could. And hough my last appearance wrought not uch terror, yet 'twas, in the words of ne of your modern poets, to a budge doc- or of the Stoic fur, not easily dismayed. or children and holiday makers i shall erve well enough. Thou may'st find me, as hou see'st, at the old address.

Yours spectrally, The Ghost of Caesar hilippi, Ides of March ' J. Rock's was by far the mildest out of he whole crop of spectral applicants and ns three guineas: ir: There is a golden book, you may recall, therein I once wrote down the names of all Whom love of God had blest. And

in my task

studied nightly all that one could ask f those who come and go in

phantom strain,

eace and contentment were my

chiefest vein,

nd therewithal such looks of sweet accord s could not whit of fright or shock afford o young or old. My presence on

each night

as companied with flowers in bloom :

such light ould hallow dungeons. For further proof confront

fsv friends, Abou Ben Adhem and

Leigh Hunt.

1r Francis Drake, not previously much elebrated for his spiritual parts, makes a mely appearance in R. Rochester's entry four guineas: sseet Gentlemen of Plimoth and of the 'est Countrey! Am I a Saluage that you Pply not direct to mee? Do I trundle my ead like poore Rauleigh or am I squint- ed like Grenuill? Enough! I am not smaied, rather am I well-fraught and solued to quit the port of Heauen home- ard bound for Plimoth, there to do your usynesses.

Yours to command, Francis Drake Est Scripturn: Mark! You shall have due erection. I shall singe your shorte haires!

final four guineas to a winning appeal

m Eileen Haggitt and Hamlet pore: r: Tho' I be less than mortal, more than man,

ough some have called me mole, yet I am none ut erstwhile king of Denmark, foully slain. hours of labour all the stilly night om witching hour to cock's crow;

I may walk

hat battlements thou hast, my vesture-arms- at very helm and plate wherein I smote esledded Polacks. Yet be thou assur'd not affright thy babes, thy windy maids; vengeance done, I'll use

my unspent term

To thy advantage, gratis and unpaid: My service thine, till thou and I are laid.

And special mentions to B. P. Hatton, P. W. R. Foot, R. G. Hillier, Margaret Cash and A. D. Harms.