YOUR PROBLEMS SOLVED
Dear Mary. . .
Q. I have recently returned from staying with my in-laws for Christmas, and am won- dering how in future I can stop my mother- in-law from coming into our bedroom in the mornings for a prolonged chat. I get on very well with her, but am not at my best first thing in the morning, especially if I have drunk too much of my father-in-law's Port the previous night.
W.M.N., Yorkshire 41 May I suggest that you take up yoga? Not only are the benefits of this discipline almost immediately apparent but, as a prac- ttcioner, you would be able to have the fol- lowing conversation with your mother-in- law next time you arrive chez elle. M-i-L: 'How are you, William dear?' W.M.N.: 'Jolly well, actually, since I took up yoga.' M-i-L: 'Goodness. What does that involve?' W-M.N.: 'Oh, I just spend 20 minutes or so, every morning, doing certain exercises. It's a sort of quasi-contemplative thing . . . the benefits are enormous.'
The following morning, when she tries your door, there can be a chair up against it and your wife can call through, 'William's doing his yoga, mum. We'll be down shortly.'
Q. I went with my wife and another couple to the Birmingham Symphony Hall to cali- brate my ears. My friend's wife had surpris- ingly soaked herself in a noxious perfume of the kind which assails the nostrils with such a devastating effect when it is occa- sionally encountered in the High Street. During the interval, when the others had gone for coffee, the man in the seat behind told me, with a creditable lack of acrimony, that he too found the perfume distressing; and then moved with his companion to other seats. In a close relationship, the
problem is easy to solve, given time; while strangers committing the offence can be shunned. What action should be taken when the offender is an otherwise friendly person of intermediate status?
L.E.H., Colchester A. You should encourage your wife to men- tion, prior to your next meeting with this friend of intermediate status, that she has been given some lovely perfume, but is sadly unable to wear it because you, her husband, appeared to have developed some hay-fever style allergy to scented cosmetic products. Deodorants, mosquito repellents and especially perfume induce sneezing and streaming of the eyes and nose. You can then say, 'But do you mind awfully not wearing any perfume when we meet? I real- ly miss wearing it.' As a deterrent, this method should be inoffensive enough.
Mary Killen
If you have a problem, please write to 'Dear Mary; The Spectator, 56 Doughty Street, London, WCIN 2LL.
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