Q. How much of his (or indeed her) nonworking life
should a newcomer to an openplan office be expected to discuss at work? I have recently started work in an office of about ten people. About half of us are single, in the sense of being unmarried. The married women are used to hearing about the relationships of unmarried colleagues and the unmarricds seem to have obliged, but I do not wish in the future to be expected to discuss my non-work life, conventional though it is, in the office. There is no work-based afterhours socialising of the kind that would naturally blend into non-work life. The questions have not yet been as direct as, 'So who are you going out with and for how long?', but it is only a matter of time, and I am fast running out of humorous diverting anecdotes! Although we are all in our thirties, I am the most junior in our particular role, so I do not wish to offend colleagues whose good opinions I would like to maintain for professional reasons. My colleagues are kind and delightful in every other way, so what would be the nicest way to induce them to give up, at least until I know them all very much better?
H.S., London 1V8 A. Growing familiarity will doubtless lead to your sooner or later being questioned directly as to your romantic position. When this happens, shudder briefly and make the smiling but ambiguous response, 'Ooh, don't ask me about that. I don't want to tempt fate.' Fortunately superstition now holds the same status as religious belief, so your colleagues will respect your consistent refusal to be drawn. While still remaining intrigued, they will eventually desist from their vulgar probings. Your stance will serve two purposes. Mystery, of course, is a far more potent means of self-promotion than any Carry-On-style laying bare of full barnyard facts. Leave it to others to make the mistake of gaining laughter or sympathy in the short term by exposing these details about their own lives.
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