Your Problems Solved
Dear Maly Q. A friend decided to celebrate her anticipated Christmas bonus by taking a day's shooting and kindly invited me to be one of the guns. She emailed that most of her other guests were booked into the hotel near the estate for bed and dinner the night before. Would I like to book a room and a place at the table? My dilemma was that the shoot happens to belong to one of my greatest friends and the Scottish side of me recoiled at the thought of a hotel bill when I would be welcome in the house. I asked myself; would it be seen as pulling rank for me to stay in the house? By contrast, would it be patronising to the other guests for me not to stay there when it would have become obvious that I knew the shoot like the back of my hand? Mary, I fear I made the wrong decision. Please tell me now what I should have done.
Name and address withheld A. The fact that you are a friend of the shoot's owner was a red herring. In this case you should have stayed in the hotel with the other guns. It would have been divisive for you to stay in the house when part of the point of shooting is the camaraderie. Staying in the house would have been like choosing a la carte from your hostess's menu. You should, instead, have accepted her 'plate accompli'.
Q. We are three writers each of whom has recently published a new book. What is the correct response when friends come to your house at around this time and blithely ask you to give them a copy (grinning brightly as though they are doing you the favour by being interested)? People think writers have limitless free copies of their own book when in fact this is not the case. The writer receives only a handful of complimentary copies and must pay for the rest. Giving copies to all the friends who ask can therefore generate a hefty bill. How should we tell our friends this without giving offence?
P.J., T. D-L and R.J., Somerset A. Just say, 'Oh I wish you had got here earlier I'm afraid the publisher only gave me six free copies and it was first come first served. Other people have beaten you to it. But I know Heywood Hill has a stack of them in!'
Q. My husband is fat and lazy and each year, at this time, he renews his annual membership of one of the most exclusive gyms in London. He pays £2,000 or more and has done for three years, but the only time he has any contact with the gym is at the moment of signing up. I do resent this waste of money but know that, since he is about to return from a gluttonous New Year break in the Caribbean, he will try to make amends by signing up again. What can I do, Mary?
Name and address withheld A. Ring your husband and ask whether he would like you to renew the membership on his behalf— either as a present from yourself or using his own debit or credit card. It will be a month or so before he notices the payment has not gone through, by which time his psychological state will have moved on from New Year renewal mode and he will be delighted by the saving.
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