SPECTATOR COMPETITION No. 118 Report by John Usborne A prize

of £5 was offered for the best native comments on British weather in one triolet stanza beginning either : " It's bound to stop now That I've got my umbrella."

The rain's bound to stop If I take my umbrella."

What is a triolet ? Ninety-three out of 105 Spectator readers showed proof that they knew at least the orthodox pattern, and one of them secured my own confidence by signing himself " A. M. Dobson." But orthodoxy of pattern is never enough, though with a verse-form as circumscribed as a triolet's it does produce a certain unique charm. On this count I ruled out thirty-nine from the second round. The crux of a triolet—once one has sensed its special function —is in:its fifth and sixth lines, "the turn," as it might be called, where, on a classic occasion, an intended ode was " turned " to a sonnet. It was Rose crossing the road, you remember, with something on her head which rhymed beautifully with what the ode turned to. For this reason I offered " umbrella " for the feminine rhyme in each alternative. There are very few good rhymes for it, and with a puckish sense of power I hoped to steer the real trioleteers down the select lyrical avenues which this word manifested. There was the further obstacle in the subject : a " native comment on English weather," which baulked several, including four who were for assuring Stella, Petronella et al. that even if the cow were a bull it was bound to stop now that they had their umbrella : and one even had his cow in the cellar, a rhyme I couldn't allow into the final rounds.

My hopes were well founded. There were some of such startling similarity that anyone unfamiliar with triolet-tyranny would have sniffed collusion. The only sure way, it seemed, of making each repetition of a key line " ring " that important semitone " off " was to adopt the shoulder-shrugging, hopelessly British attitude to the umbrella : " an unreasonable weapon, but it seems—don't ask why or how—to do the trick." . There were eleven, and of these any who managed to insinuate a lady's name convincingly into that crucial line was due for very special consideration.

I award first prize of £3 to Michael Albery and a second prize of £2, to be divided equally between Oswald Clark (whose " turn " strikes me as sheer poetry) and Topaz, whose " turn " was cleverly onomatopoeic. I have highly recommended two whose umbrella- rhymes I objected to.

FIRST PRIZE

(MICHAEL ALBERY)

It's bound to stop now

That I've got my umbrella.

Yet will reason allow It's bound to stop now ?

What did Chamberlain vow On his peace tarantella ?

It's bound to stop now That I've got my umbrella !

SECOND PRIZES (OSWALD CLARK) It's bound to stop now That I've got my umbrella, And we're wet anyhow.

It's bound to stop now So clear is the Plough, And so close to me Stella, It's bound to stop now That I've got my umbrella.

(TOPAZ) It's bound to stop now That I've got my umbrella, I don't see why or how It's bound to stop now ;

When I've slipped in the slough

And cracked my patella, It's bound to stop, now That I've got my umbrella I

HIGHLY COMMENDED (GuY INNES) The rain's bound to stop !

If I take my umbrella There won't be a drop !

The rain's bound to stop Ere I count as a flop My appointment with Stella : The rain's bound to stop If I take my umbrella ! (MAUREEN BUTCHER)

It's bound to stop now

That I've got my umbrella ; I'm ready to vow It's bound to stop now.

. Don't wrinkle your brow My dearest Prunella ; It's bound to stop now That I've got my umbrella.

(M. R. I.) The rain's bound to stop If I take my umbrella. Let the aneroid drop— The rain's bound to stop ; Though through puddles I slop.

Slip, and crack my patella,

The rain's bound to stop If I take my umbrella.

(D. L. L. CLARKE) It's bound to stop now

That I've got my umbrella.

Since I'm soaked anyhow It's bound to stop now.

There's no need of a vow To the great cloud-compeller : It's bound to stop now That I've got my umbrella.

(GUY KENDALL) It's bound to stop now That I've got my umbrella ; Do you ask why or how It's bound to stop now ?

Well it's due to a row With a pilfering fella ; It's bound to stop now

That I've got MY umbrella.