YOUR PROBLEMS SOLVED
Q. My husband is an ambassador and fond of telling anecdotes at the dinner table, but his declamatory style is more suited to ancient Greece than to a typical social audience of people with diminished atten- tion spans. How can I curtail his love of oratory and embellishments and remind him discreetly to get to the point?
Name and address withheld A. A traditional egg-timer could be a useful aid to your husband as four to five minutes IS the maximum concentration span which can be expected of people today. Set it up Within his field of vision by prior arrange- ment and set the sands a-running as he begins his anecdote.
Q. As the husband of a famous actress I am expected to join my wife at a plethora of social events. These might be enjoyable if it were not for the fact that my regal mother- in-law sees her presence at these occasions as her maternal prerogative. The problem is exacerbated by my wife's encouragement of her mother's expectations. How can I tactfully prevent my mother-in-law from Joining my wife and me at these events Without hurting her feelings and incurring
Dear Mary..
my wife's displeasure? Name, sadly, withheld.
A. As you already know many members of the acting profession it should not be too difficult for you to arrange for one of them to telephone your wife or your mother-in- law posing as a tabloid journalist and ask for an interview . . 'for a piece about mother and daughter teams — you know, like Mandy Smith and her mother, or Naomi Campbell and hers. . . Basically it's a story about how the mother gets in on the act.' Naturally they will refuse the invitation but should it be insufficient as a deterrent, you will have to take the more serious step of pretending to your wife that you have
started to find her mother physically attrac- tive.
Q. I am trapped in the routine of giving a lift in my car every morning to a plump, moody colleague. Her personal hygiene and time-keeping are disappointing and I have tired of circling a well-known West London roundabout waiting for her wad- dling bulk to appear. How can I discontin- ue this unsatisfactory arrangement?
A. J., London W1 A. Tell your colleague that you have a new schedule of duties in the mornings as you have agreed to do a school run to help out a neighbour. This will involve you leaving half an hour earlier than before and going to the office via a circuitous route. Sadly this will mean you will no longer be able to offer her a lift as she will no doubt be unable to meet the new earlier deadline.
Mary Killen
If you have a problem, please write to Mary Killen, clo The Spectator, 56 Doughty Street, London WC1N 2LL.
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