7 AUGUST 1999, Page 53

No. 2099: Self-deprecating

'I'm a shrimp. . . 'I'm only a second trom- bone. . . I'm Nobody. . . '. You are invited to write a poem (maximum 16 lines) begin- ning with one of these three modest state- ments (all first lines of real poems). Entries to 'Competition No. 2099' by 19 August.