Christmas drinks
How to afford wine
Pamela Vandyke Price
The excuse, "I can't afford to drink wine," is so often made to me across the brim of the speaker's double gin and tonic that I rate it with the "Haven't got the time" brush-off phrase of my youth. For what one really wants, one always has the time — and one can always afford it.
Those who truly cannot afford wine should be showered with cheering bottles because, as we all know, there are times when one can skimp on the necessities if one can splurge on the luxuries; I delight in the splendid retired teacher who, lame and living in a complex for senior citizens, wrote to me that she preferred to serve
guests a glass of sweet sherry "because it is less trouble than instant" — and, I may say, more nourishing. (With such a preparatory schoolmistress, I was bound to Go Far.) The bottle, or even the quarter of Scotch, cherry brandy, port, or not-too-dry table wine is what I'd prefer to receive — and what I prefer to give — rather than bath salts or bedsocks.
Britain enjoys the services and resources of more retailers of wine than any other country in the world, and a wider range of wines too. There are hundreds of good wines still available for less than £1 and those who say they "haven't the time" to find out about them are admitting that they cannot read the millions of words churned out weekly by people like me, or even register the advertisements that empaste the media and the billboards with brand names. Everyone has to make a start, but, after passing the age of consent, it's a bit naive to boast that you don't know the difference between meat and fish, or fortified and table wines.
There are many ways of saving money by sensible shopping — as well as taking the advice of those whose business it is to make recommendations in newspapers and magazines. There is the small print at the back or front of most wine lists, the study of which can streamline expenditure. You should get a 'case discount' on buying twelve bottles of any wine or spirit, although a completely mixed case may result in less saving than a single case of either; 'house brands' of either may also rate a higher discount than advertised brands. These house brands may or may not rate a further discount even if you pay cash, but cash with order usually rates a discount and, the usual terms with any merchant being settlement within thirty days, you should calculate whether the use of your money is more important to you than the lower rate you pay for parting with it promptly.
Are your finer wines to be stored for you? Some merchants can no longer do this, others can, but will only accept case lots and charge for
the service. Don't expect that their cellars are always under the shop — you may have to give at least forty-eight hours' notice for your wine to be brought from its ideal resting place and, should you want it decanted, this may also involve a small charge. Some merchants will only let you withdraw wine in case lots. Quantity discounts, such as for more than two cases, are generally progressive; sometimes they relate to the price — over £100, or £500 and so on — or to numbers of cases. It is always advantageous to buy large quantities, but can you then store the purchases satisfactorily? Wines should be kept on their sides, in a dark, quiet place, and not be subject to sudden changes of temperature. There is no saving if, after six months or a year, your central heating has virtually cooked your wines and meanwhile caused you serious overcrowding. Spirits, which should be kept upright, are not so easily affected, but they too should be kept in a cool place. If your wines and spirits are to be delivered, what are the charges? With carriers charging suppliers from £l.60-l.80 upwards, no merchant can lightly undertake free delivery, many can only do so if the purchaser is within the region served by their own vans. MarlY cannot deliver less than a case, though some will still send a single bottle — for which the charge will be at least' 50p. Charges vary according to quantities; more than five cases may be delivered free. Suppose you patronise cashand-carry shops? There are plenty, ranging, from very up-market outlets in , the form of conventional wine merchants to the cut-price Shops. You have to consider the cost of your petrol, or transport, any parking charge, whether you have to tip whoever helps you load Your purchase and, with a cut-price Shop, whether the bargain really is a bargain. It may well be but, as With any sale buy, you are taking the risk that the wine could be out of condition, might be stock exposed to light, flood, squeezed off the lees on a bottling line that should have been halted a dozen or so earlier, or simply that you may not like it. Cut-price shops offer good service and can pass on their own low overheads to customers, but it is unreasonable to expect them to be able to give detailed and expert advice, though they will usually take back purchases customers find unsatisfactory. You Pay for the experience and time available over the counter of the established merchant although he may well be able to give you terms (and wines) at a level that Compares very favourably with the more obvious 'bargain' in the stridently-labelled shop window. Can you easily telephone your wine merchant or must you grapple with STD, the operator and buzzing in the earpiece, or do they put you Oil their mailing list and include a Prepaid envelope for your use? If You are on friendly terms with them, can you specify when they Should deliver, or whether they Should dump the case in the toolshed? More than a single call can nullify any profit they might make and if they have to use a film of carriers you cannot particularise that they should ring the door of 'Chez Mouton' if you are
out.
if you are buying wine or spirits Which, possibly, may have to be valued, can your merchant do this and how much will he charge? A minimum fee might be £5, exclusive of VAT, plus 21/2 per cent of the total value. Remember, if the evil days do arrive, the merchant from whom you bought the goods may take them off your hands but he is more likely to do so if they have never left his cellars, and he may refund you less than you think he should, simply because he then has to cope with what may be a 'bin end,' not enough of it to list and something he might not have kept as long as you have anyway. If you think that the public salerooms are your stamping ground, bear in mind that you can pay as much for seven dozen cases of Yugoslav Riesling as you would do in the cash-and-carry and then find you have to write a cheque on the spot, get the wine out of bond and pay cash to transport it in addition.
My own suggestions for affording wine are practical, albeit cynical: allow half to a whole bottle per head, according to your affection for your friends and then no more. (The suddenly-opened bottle cannot give of its best if you want an oenological excuse.) Pour a cheap wine lavishly rather than eke out any special bottle; it makes the host look mean and confuses the stomach of the drinkers if there are several different reluctantly served halves. And big glasses are an economy as well as a better way of serving wine. For spirits, either you can really afford and can offer them with suitable mixes, or, genuinely, you cannot, when you should keep whatever is your own lifesaver within access only of yourself and the most important person in your life. If Your resolutions falter, recall that any fool (with money) can buy fine wine. It takes the canny shopper to pour delicious slurp.
Pamela Vandyke Price, who writes regularly in The Spectator, is also wine correspondent of the Times
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