YOUR PROBLEMS SOLVED
Dear Mary. . .
Q. Please can you help me? Each time I give a dinner party, the guests — most of them married couples — arrive in furious tempers. The reason, I have worked out, is that most of my friends now live in Notting Hill Gate while I live in Balham. This means that by the time they arrive they have been confined together in their cars for 45 minutes and have projected their annoyance with the traffic onto each other. What can I do about it, short of moving to Notting Hill Gate myself? J.F., London SW12 A. As hostess, you have control of place a table. Next time you have friends to Balham you should extend this control to place voiture. Split the couples up for their jour- neys over the river by simply announcing who will be driving whom and insisting you are obeyed on this issue. It does not matter if the married couples drive home together as by this time they will no longer be hun- gry, so their aggression levels will be much diminished.
Q. Last summer, some friends we have known for many years made the excellent Suggestion of a week's exchange of houses: their London flat for our house in the countryside. We stayed in contact during the exchange via a few brief but cordial telephone calls and by all accounts they enjoyed the change of scene, as did we. Before departing on the agreed day, we left a friendly note on their kitchen table sug- gesting that we repeat the operation, but they left no messages and did not subse- quently call or write. Slightly disconcerted, we phoned them later to find out if all was well, but detected a cool tone. A recent written invitation to come and stay with us has gone unanswered. How would you sug- gest re-establishing contact and finding out if something has gone wrong without creat- ing any new misunderstandings?
RA.L., Dyfed A. Rehearse a mutual friend to provoke this couple by saying, 'Hey! I heard from someone you completely trashed the so- and-sos' country house when you stayed there.' They will respond either by blinking in amazement and saying, 'What do you mean? We had a lovely time and so did they. And that reminds me I must get in touch and answer their latest letter', or they will splutter with indignation and let out a torrent of defensive abuse which should include details of whatever it is that you might have done to offend (or revolt) them. Either way, when they have finished, your mutual friend can announce, 'Sorry, I must be mad. It was the so-and-sos who were worried that you thought they had trashed your flat because they hadn't heard from you for so long.'
Q. I recently met some young people at luncheon. They were referring to the coun- try of Zimbabwe as 'Lim'. Is this accept- able?
E.hT., London SW3 A. No, it is not acceptable.
Mary Killen
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