MARGINAL COMMENTS
By MONICA REDLICH
" I'm only thinking of you, dear" means I am now about to get a bit of any own back.
" I don't want to make you unhappy " means I will now repeat to you certain malicious gossip which will reduce you to sleepless misery. . " I'm a plain, blunt man," means I will now tell some lies.
" I'm bound to admit " means I will now confuse the main issue.
" I'm not one to criticise " means I shall now procetd to find fault with all you have done. - • " I'm as broad-minded as anyone " means All my ideas on this subject are hopelessly out of date.- " I hope I know my place " means I am just about to Step right out of it and tell you a few home truths.
" I'm a tolerant sort of fellow " means I can't endure you another moment and am now preparing to throw you out of the house.
These, or words like them, must be the prelude to half the quarrels in the world. It is odd, as I say, that we go on using them, and even odder that we do so in all good faith. I often wonder how much any of us know about our major vices and virtues. :I shalltioubtles continue to wonder, for that admirable mixture of caution, . pride, and humility which we label British reserve makes us (except on these special occasions) ignore the fact that we . have any major characteristics at all, and preserve all our energy for criticising them in other people.
Even Englishmen, .however, like. talking about them- selves ; and so there has been collected, perfected, and patented a large stock of minor qualities, vices Or virtues according to one's point of view, which give pleasure to all concerned whenever they are mentioned. " I'm a happy-go-lucky sort of chap," beams the. man who has just kept you waiting forty minutes : and he takes it to mean that he is pleasantly unconventional, and you take it to mean that he is a fool, and everything is perfectly all right. ." Sensitive " is another of these words that satisfy all parties ; so is " fastidious " (though certain- sufferers have a - stronger term for it) ; so are " queer "—a winner—and " hasty," and " im- pulsive," and half a dozen more. The implication behind all of them is the same " I like my peculiarities. but, in ease you don't agree, I will describe them in a way" which might pass for self-criticism:" Possibly this is better than- the sudden pretensions to downright virtue which herald our clumsy ventures tlovin the Paths of deceit : possibly, again, .it is not. I am a' broad-minded. as anyone, and I'm ,only thinking of you, and I hope I know my place, and. I don't want to make you unhappy : but it does seem to me that we might be all the better, now and again, for a frank display of genuine,- out-and-out vanity.
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