Television
Looking on the bright side
Zenga Longmore
We may not have enjoyed the telly this Christmas', I was told by a wise and trusted friend, tut at least the kiddies did. Glued to the box for days on end they were, and after all, Christmas is for the kiddies.'
I had agreed wholeheartedly at the time, and even went so far as to nod in a sage-like manner. Then gradually it dawned on me that kiddies stay glued to the television set no matter what's being shown. Children below the age of 15 have acquired the habit of switching on the telly as soon as they arrive home from school, refusing to drag their eyes away from it until it has been switched off — and very often not even then. Therefore, although it must be said that Christmas television was bursting with such kinder-delights as car- toons, James Bond and Santa Claus — The Movie, it has already been established that children are totally undiscerning and there- fore do not count.
For those of us adults who do count, it must be said that the only word to describe the state of television over the last ten days is 'uninspired'. All the repeats were re- peated once again, and the best films were being shown at around four in the morn- ing. Someone, somewhere ought to be informed that those of us who don't own videos are not insomniacs.
Then there is the question which must be as old as Christmas itself: why has religion gone out of Christmas? Well, this Christ- mas religion was alive and well and thriv- ing, in the form of strings of blasphemous and unfunny jokes. Sprinkled liberally around the comic shows this year were such gems as jokes concerning Jesus's loincloth, and the Virgin Mary riding upon a pantomime cow.
But let's face it, as far as comedy is concerned, it would be impossible for there to be any funny new shows this season because there simply aren't any new good comedy acts. On the brighter side, The Two Ronnies (BBC 1) and the Morecambe and Wise repeats (ITV) were definitely worth watching, even though we've seen them so many times before that we know each sketch by heart. Not that I'm com- plaining. They came as a breath of fresh air when compared with such tasteless rot as Comic Relief (BBC 1), where a comedian pinched red noses on the faces of Sudanese children and treated the starvation of Africa as a rip-roaring, laugh-a-minute farce. Comic Relief began with Lenny Henry convulsed with mirth as a tiny Sudanese woman talked nervously into the camera about the need for aid in her village. Odd how the BBC can treat famine as a joke, but there you are.
Three rays of sunshine shone through the dark mists of this year's Christmas television. The first was the idea of some deeply intelligent person to show Amadeus, the brilliant portrayal of Salieri's life with Mozart, a film not totally marred by a few harsh American accents here and there. Never mind if you missed it because they'll be showing it every Christmas from now on. Then there was the wonderfully performed Othello (Channel 4), staged from Johannesburg's Market Theatre. For once I actually enjoyed watching the Bard's most ridiculous play.
Ray number three came in the form of the beautifully directed programmes on Channel 4 about the Baka people who dwell in the Cameroon rain forests. Writ- ten, produced, and filmed by one Phil Agland, the documentary gave so intimate a portrayal of the Baka lifestyle that I kept wondering if it were real, or whether the people were actors, who smoked and spoke in harsh American accents between takes. Having watched the third episode of the series, however, I am convinced that the whole thing must be real, because it confirmed my view of human nature which is that men are potty. The Baka women went fishing, built the houses from bran- ches and leaves and generally made them- selves useful; but what did the men do?
They spent half their time senselessly sharpening the teeth of innocent children and the other half dressing up as malevo- lent forest spirits, thus frightening little boys out of their wits.
And what are the members of their sex doing in England? They are putting on all my favourite films after I've gone to bed. We live in interesting times.
Previous page
