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COMPETITION

Come and gone

Jaspistos

IN COMPETITION NO. 1985 you were asked to imagine that Beckett added a last act to Waiting for Godot in which Godot arrives, converses with one or both of the two tramps, and leaves, and invited to sup- ply the ensuing dialogue.

There is only room for me to apologise for referring to Vladimir overfamiliarly as Didi (that was Estragon's exclusive privi- lege) and to give honourable mentions to Frank Upton, Adrian Fry, David Barton and Chas Garvey. The prizewinners, print- ed below, take £25 each, and the bonus bottle of Isle of Jura Single Malt Scotch whisky is Martin Woodhead's.

Vladimir Well, that was instructive.

Estragon: It passed the time.

V: It was not, perhaps, what we had expected. Not, you might say, what we had been after. E: Ah, but what had we been before?

V: Not, so to speak, a revelation. Very far from being a theophany.

E: Not even a bone to throw at a dog.

V: A little, wiry, wearish man, with spiky hair. I

remember that.

E: It was his glasses that brought me up short.

V: Spectacles have a strong moral effect.

Pause.

V: [Looking up at the tree] 'When the desire cometh.... ' Now who said that?

E: But to be declared redundant, after all that!

Given the boot!

V: [Looking at his own boots] Or not. To be told there was no use for us! E: I am dumbfounded!

V. At a loss!

E: Words fail me!

V: There are no more words.

(Martin Woodhead) Estragon: Did you hear the voice on him? It was music. I swear I'll never wash my ears again. Vladimir: That's not saying much. E: [Puzzled] How much do you want me to say? V: Just tell me what you think of him. E: You always want me to think and talk at the same time.

V: Very well. Think first, then speak. Estragon takes off his hat and hunches over, silently staring into it.

V: Well?

E: I don't think this is my hat. V: [Fiercely] I don't want to know what don't think, I want to know what you do. E: I don't do anything, you know that. V: That's a lie for a start. You smell. You do it you badly, but you do it.

E: That's it. I'm off.

V: You said it. What are you waiting for?

E: I might ask you the same question.

V: You're right. What are we waiting for? Let's

go.

They do not move. (W.J. Webster) Vladimir: Well, it was worth the wait, Gogo. Estragon: Fiddlesticks. The man's an impostor. V: [Dismayed] You think so? I thought he was

... inspiring.

E: Remember how we were fooled by that fel- low Pozzo? I shan't be fooled a second time. V: But the sun shone, and I think a bird very

possibly sang. There was joy, Gogo.

E: I shan't trust him until he delivers what he promised.

V: But he can't deliver unless you trust him. Silence.

E: I shan't trust him. He has an insincere smile. It's irritating.

V: He can't help his smile, Gogo.

E: Well, let him go and smile somewhere else. Mark my words, Didi — nothing much will change.

V: But everything feels changed. It's the end of an era. [A single, yellowed leaf falls on his head] A new beginning! (Peter Norman) Estragon: So he came?

Vladimir: He came.

E: And me asleep, and with my boots off! But he knew I had waited? You told him I had waited, didn't you?

I did. I pointed out your recumbent form and he remarked your laboured breathing. And what class of a person was he? Did he have a white beard?

He did not. To speak truthfully, he was more your caballine or chevaline kind of a being. He was on a horse?

Not as you would say on a horse; he ... he came in equine form. And behaved indeed with equinimity. He browsed the dew- pearled grass, broke wind under the tree there, and took his leave.

So now we are free?

Free as the wind. The world is our oyster. [Starts to put boots on] The world is my oys- ter, I shall not want.

We may go wheresoever we please.

Oh, the joy of it!

Ready, then?

[Standing up] Ready.. They do not move. (Noel Petty) Vladimir: So, here we are again.

Estragon: Again?

V: The same as yesterday. E: Yesterday. That rings a bell. [Pause] At least

it's not tomorrow.

It never is. [Pause] The landscape hasn't

changed.

Landscape? Come on, Gogo ... the joy of creation ... the sky. ... the trees.... There's only one tree. Perhaps it's the beginning of a forest. V: E: V: E: V: E: V: E: V: E: V: E: V: E: V: E: V:

E: Perhaps it's the end of one. [Pause] I was

expecting someone taller.

V: Who?

E: Your man ... Godot.

V: Not Pozzo?

E: No, Godot. He didn't seem to know much

about us.

V: Well, you offended him.

E: I didn't! Lousemerchant!

V: Nosebleeder! You might at least have

offered him some food.

E: What, his mystical body?

V: A turnip would have done.

E: What did he say, exactly?

V: It wasn't very clear. [Pause] That we were to

wait and then all would be well.

E: And him?

V: The same. [Pause] He's tied.

E: He's resting.

V: No, tied. [Pause] He's waiting.

E: He's dreaming. [Pause] Let's go.

V: We can't.

E: Why not?

V: Godot's waiting for us.

E: Ah! (Nicholas Hodgson)

No. 1988: Not the same news

You are invited to choose a recent newspa- per headline (please enclose it) and to write a story (maximum 120 words) under it which still fits the headline but provides incongruously different news. Entries to 'Competition No. 1988' by 19 June.