Q. During a lavish lunch party last month, our host
was insulting about my new boyfriend, whom I had brought along with his permission. His actual words were, ‘He’s not my particular cup of tea, darling.’ He said this privately to me, not to the whole table. At the time I laughed it off and changed the subject because I did not want to create a bad atmosphere and he, our host, was slightly drunk (but only slightly). I am a stickler for writing to thank and have picked up pen and paper many times since that day but have been unable to bring myself to present the usual fulsome compliments without including a reprimand. Therefore I have not written at all. How should I break this stalemate? I don’t want to lose my old friend. What is worse is that my boyfriend really liked him.
J.K., Dorchester A. Your host breached etiquette by making you feel unwelcome in his home but, for long-term reasons, you should get over it. Steel yourself to write a brief, traditional bread and butter. Then ring up and ask him back to lunch with you. Laugh merrily as you add, ‘I’m afraid my new boyfriend will be present. Can you face it for my sake? I’d love you to try and see the point of him.’ This open attempt to bridge-build should disarm him and leave him more open to reassessing your new boyfriend with a kinder eye.
Previous page
