SPECTATOR COMPETITION No. los Report by Mervykliorder A prize of

£5 was offered for an official rechristening of four of the following downtrodden persons, who have been known too long by their present names : an undesirable alien, a soverman, a M.F.H., a stockbroker, a dentist, a strike-leader, a cat's-meat man, a book- reviewer.

The way to win this competition was to high-light the positive, idealistic, forward-looking content of the various occupations ; at the same time keeping your choice euphonious enough to be memor- able and suitable for universal use. It was not enough to invent elegant or fantastic periphrases in what Fowler's Modern English Usage brands as Polysyllabic Humour ; nor were puns wanted, though some agonising examples were sent, mostly by women— Burrow Surveyor, Oversewer, Ameowsment Caterer, Purrveyor, and so on. On the other hand, I could not find that any competitor had hit a bull's-eye with every one of his four shots ; and I must recom- mend dividing the prize equally between the three following, who maintained the highest general level, though each had one weak entry in his four : E. J. Black, F. Maxwell Eve, E. P. Stanham.

Out of a mountainous entry, the following were those that pleased me most, and they include the best of the prizewinners. Those I have marked with an asterisk seem to me to have a touch of Whitehall poetry about them which is exactly right.

UNDESIRABLE ALIEN

Refusee. (E. J. Black.) Non-screened Guest. (E. P. Stanham.) Alien Delinquent. (T. Staples.) Transferable International. (Rhoda Tuck Pook.) *Special Traveller. (H. Porcher.) Repatriation Schedulee. (D. J. Ridley.) Disallowed Overseas Entrant. (Frank Littler.) * Qualified Extraditionee. (Mrs. Wild.) Remigrand. (D. L. L. Clarke.)

SEWERMAN

Effluent Executive. (F. Maxwell Eve.) * Drain Valet. (L. B. Knight.) Outflow Officer. (George Pappadimitriou.) Slop Steward. (V. Gore.) Sludge Disseminator. (Guy Inns.) Conduit Rehabilitator. (Peter Marks.) M.F.H.

Vulpine Finalisation Officer. (P. A. Schofield.) Poultry Protection Officer. (E. Stainton.) Scent Detection Supervisor. (H. Pullar-Strecker.) Area Vulpisecutor. (D. L. L. Clarke.)

STOCKBROKER

Pools Promoter—City Branch. (David Bruxner.)

Asset Adjuster. (Rhoda Tuck Pook.) Savings Consultant. (Henry Pales.)

Marginal Error Operator. (0. E. Brackenbury.)

Securities Counsellor. (F. H. R. Burr.) DENTIST

Smile Specialist (M. C. V. Thomas and others similar.) *Molar Stylist. (V. Coverley Price.) Ivory Uplift-man. (Nan Wishart.) ' Gum Beautician. (H. M. Hyde-Lees.) Mouth Reformer. (W. M. Mathieson.) Mastication Maintenance Officer. (E. A. Harper and others similar.)

STRIKE-LEADER

'Leisure Instigator. (E. P. Stanham.) Whiteleg. (E. J. Black.) Inaction Director (F. Maxwell Eve.) * Designated Inciter. (John S. Owen.) *People's Prefect. (R. E. Thomas.) Organiser—Idle Personnel. (R. G. Hillier.) Moderator—Staff Side. (Oswald Clark.) Hot Air Marshal. (T. M. E. Evans.) Labour-diplomat. (F. H. R. Burr.)

CAT'S-MEAT MAN

*Grade " B " Butcher. (E. J. Black.) Feline Caterer. (F. Maxwell Eve and others similar.) Under-privileged Meat-purveyor. (M-J. Lancaster.)

BOOK-REVIEWER

Blurb Evaluator. (E. P. Stanham and others similar.) *Literature Herald. (G. Carley.) Parnassus Consultant. (Roger Todd.) Bibliosuade. (Peter Hadley.) Read Scout. (J. K. Highton.)