SPECTATOR COMPETITION No. 140

Report by Limpet The bagpipe is being advertised in New York. " Complete with blowpipe, droties, chanter, bright plaid bag and ribbons, this easy-to- play American bagpipe is an authentic replica of the Scotch instrument, but sounds mellower and sweeter " &c. Competitors were invited to compose advertisements with similar appealfor any two of the following : a London taxi-cab, a railway-restaurant tea-urn, an umbrella, boiled cabbage (in tins), The Laws of Cricket.

The large entry lent support to the theory (held by many advert- . ising men) that most people believe themselves to be born advertise- ment copy-writers.

What was missing, in the majority of entries, was_The white-hot missionary fervour of the original. The writer of that clearly was, if only momentarily, deeply in love with the product he was helping to market. The blowpipe, the drones and the bright plaid bag were to him as magical as are the ingredients of a sonnet to a poet. He exulted in the fact that the American bagpipe sounded mellower and sweeter than the Scotch instrument, because he considered its manu- facturers were conferring an inestimable benefit upon mankind— and what Englishman is to say that in that respect he was wrong ? At his home, he left you convinced, there would be family songfests every night—at least there would be for so long as he worked on the bagpipe " account." Many competitors, however, wrote their advertisements as if they had been left with job-lots of umbrellas or London taxi-cabs upon their hands, which they would be glad to get rid of at any price.

In quantity, boiled cabbage triumphed among the entries ; in quality, those on the tea-urn scored, I think. The few competitors who chose the Laws of Cricket almost invariably linked it with the umbrella, though only one came from within easy distance of Old Trafford, and_no one, to my disappointment, suggested Laws of the game specially brightened and improved for export.

In many entries one advertisement was worthy of a prize, but the other spoilt the whole. I award a first prize of £3 to R. E. Longrigg ; and second prizes of £1 each to F. A. Anderson and R. Kennard Davis. Honourable mention : N. Wishart, Cinna, D. Gwynne Jones, H. A. C. Evans and Joyce Johnson. From their entries and from others, came the following extracts :—

BOILED CABBAGE : " No dangerous vitamins " (J. P. Mullarky).

" Aunt Britannia's breakfast food " (Capt. J. A. Loch).

" Served lukewarm and undrained, no American dish can touch it " (Joyce Johnson).

UMBRELLA : " Telebrello—the indispensable indoor umbrella.

Protect yourself from Television Tiredness ..." (N. Wishart).

" Gay Gamp . .. with all the improvements Ameri- can ingenuity can 'devise—disinfectant spray on opening, miniature fan for hot weather ... (D. R. Peddy).

LONDON TAX;CAB : " Has the extra something of an up-to-date antique " (Sonya Macmillan).

" Brings new road happiness to a streamline satu- rated world " (W. Bernard Wake).

" Restricted vision for nervous passengers " (Beryl Jeff).

TEA-URN : " Infuse your tea (or brew English-style coffee) in

this ingenious super-samovar " (R. G. H. Roberts). " Straight from the railroads of Romantic England to bring you two gallons plus of pure, steam-washel tea " (Cinna).

" Fitted with hard-wearing tea-bags, one brew will last a week and still keep that unique flavour " (D. Gwynne Jones).

LAWS OF CRICKET : " Complete, unexpurgated, as passed by the secret cabal of the M.C.C. in the Lords " (H. A. C. Evans).

PRIZES

(R. E. LONGRIGG) For Your Barbecues, Folks ! Here's the way to get a hundred steaming hot droolicious cups of real Old English tea, black'n' strong for he-men ! Swell with grilled steak'n' ketchup—try slaver-flavor tea made in New Aluminiscent " Great Western " genuine Old English Urn.

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All Piccadilly in your hand ! Yes, Sir, now you can hold London's toniest street, famed fashion-hub of the Ancient Regime, right in your fingers. Walk with a swagger, guys ! Carry the new All-American Umbrella, replica of rain-repelling fashion-must of aristocratic Lords and Sirs.

(F. A. ANDERSON)

Say ! What's this delectable dish with its soft saffron succulence ? Why, it's just his Esculency King Cabbage in a new guise, grown like a greyhound, rushed dew-fresh to the brassica boilers for patient, pro- longed preparation in the British tradition.

No Chipodrome any more, Mum. It's Sweet Home for us.

Can't make tea ? Try it the easy way as practised on all railroad depots back in Old England. The " Heirloom " traditional Tea-Urn will grace any room, harmonising graciously with period or modern furniture. In three finishes, " Gas Bloom," " Old Chromium," and " Streamline Enamel." See your dealer today.

(R. KENNARD DAVIS)

YOUR AUTUMN IN ENGLAND !

The gentle melancholy of rain—the " sere, the yellow leaf "—the lush grass—the indescribable aroma of the Wayside Inn—memories of the smoking fire, the drone of a bluebottle, the prunes and custard ! They

all come rushing up again, with OM CANNED COUNTRY CABBAGE.

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" IT'S NOT CRICKET ? " Yes it is Cricket ! Cricket, on your own Hearth. Enliven your Quiz parties with a hundred fascinating problems from England's Premier Sport, sung by Dickens, Meredith and Cardus.

What is a leg-bye ? An over ? A follow-on ? Buy the Laws of Cricket ! Don't be Stumped.