COMPETITION

Bible fable

Jaspistos

IN Competition No. 1496 you were invited to transpose a story in the Old Testament into a verse fable complete with moral.

I've always had a tenderness for fables ever since I stumbled as a child across a large, leather-bound La Fontaine with those marvellous illustrations by Grandvil- le. La Fontaine managed to make even the morals interesting and amusing, which is more than can be said for his model, dear old Aesop, whose morals hardly ever rise above the level of peasant cunning and are usually so obvious as to be maddeningly superfluous. Nearly all of you stuck to the beaten paths of the Old Testament, but for those who, on forgetful days, find it difficult to distinguish between Abigail, Abishag and Abishai, let alone Huz and Buz, I recommend Peter Calvocoressi's Who's Who in the Bible (Viking, £10.95), which Gibbonianly combines wit and in- formation. This was a good week. The next-bests deserve to be listed: John Stanley, 0. Smith, Rosie Ravening, Norman McNutt, Basil Ransome-Davies, David Heaton (the best moral), Peter Norman and 0. Ban- field. The winners, too, deserve a bit more than usual, so they get £14 each plus the usual pleasure of seeing themselves printed. For her sprightly Hudibrastic piece, Mary Holtby gains the bonus bottle of Champagne Palmer Vintage 1979, pre- sented by Marie-Pierre Palmer-Becret.

There was a boy whose name was Cain, Who tilled the ground and gathered grain, And while he learned to sow and reap His brother Abel tended sheep. To God the pious siblings yield The first-fruits of the flock and field, But He Whose whims are magisterial Prefers the carnal to the cereal. At this the disappointed tiller Becomes society's first killer, Condemned to wander far and wide, Brow-branded as a fratricide.

Since neither son appeared to sin, This story shows you cannot win; And likewise that the Great Contrary 'Un Is clearly not a vegetarian. (Mary Holtby) Esau was hairy and Jacob was napless As Jacob was streetwise and Esau was hapless. Once, after hunting, and flushed with success, Esau demanded the pottagey mess Cooked up by Jacob, who swapped it at sight For Esau's antique primogenital right.

Later he schemed, with his mother's collusion, To put on a goat-skin and cause great confusion To Isaac his dad, who, the goat-skin caressing, Thought he was Esau and gave him his blessing. He fled; was much married; and wrestled a round

With God, who declared that his seed would abound.

Jacob returned; Esau came out to slay him, But ended up vowing to love and obey him.

If you're honest and hairy and stay at your post, The smooth and the charming will have you on toast.

(Noel Petty) Old Lot had led a blameless life And so, we take it, had his wife.

So when the Lord announced, `Tomorrah I'm razing Sodom and Gomorrah, The people there are worse than rabbits - They have the most disgusting habits!' The Lots received a dispensation To flee from this abomination. 'But don't look back,' God sternly warned.

Lot's wife was one of those who scorned To do as other people told her And, fleeing, peeped over her shoulder.

FLASH! As if by a magic spell Lot's wife became NaCI.

The moral's clear; when God says 'Do it', Obey, or end up in a cruet.

(Felix Stowe) `I ask for no dowry in silver or gold,' Said Saul, the old plotter, to David the bold, `Just some Philistine foreskins. A hundred will do.' Without blinking an eyelid the lad buckled to And went looking for Philistines. Love finds a way!

He bagged his first foreskin that very same day. It's a difficult, risky and tedious chase, But before his next breakfast he'd made it a brace.

To cut the tale short, in a week, on a string, He flourished the dowry, aloft, to the king. `Well, count them,' said Saul, highly peeved and malign.

'One, two, three, fours five, six . . . ninety- eight, ninety-nine,.

One hundred! But look, Saul: a hundred and one —' And he counted two hundred before he was done!

The point of this story's as clear as a bell: If a thing is worth doing, it's worth doing well.'

(John Harris) When Sisera, a Canaanite, Used iron chariots to fright The Israelites, he earned the wrath Of Deborah, wife of Lapidoth.

A Judge, she had a wink and nod Directly from the Lord her God How Sisera might cease to be.

Once Barak, then her C-in-C, Had trounced the hapless Gentile force, She watched her prophecy take course.

When Sisera holed up with a friend, His friend's wife brought him to his end. She banged a nail, not through the viscera, But through the sleeping skull of Sisera.

When women say men skulk in bed, They hit the nail upon the head. (Len Wellgerbil) Job was God's chosen blue-eyed boy. Thrice blest in Uz, Job's founts of wealth Were camels, cattle and the joy Of children, half a score, in health.

Old Satan, roaming round the globe Intent on turning men to sin, At God's suggestion picked on Job To test if faith o'er doubt could win.

How odd of God to choose a ruse That stole Job's cattle, killed his kin; But odder still that He should choose The Devil to conspire therein.

With divine friends who needs enemies?

(Gerry Hamill)