COMPETITION

Wobbly verse

Jaspistos

IN COMPETITION NO. 2156 you were invited to supply a poem on the Millennium Bridge which might have been written by William McGonagall.

Son of an immigrant Irish weaver, born in the Orkneys, McGonagall didn't hit Dundee till he was 11. He became a hand- loom weaver with his father, and later acted on the stage, but it was not until he was almost 50 that he exposed his first vol- ume of poems to an astonished world. Apart from exemplifying the importance of being earnest, they are remarkable for a metre that can only be described oxy- moronically as both lame and spry. It is ironic to think that, Burns apart, among the benighted English he is probably the best known, if not most read, Scottish poet. As a novelist, he sank without trace. RIP.

It's not easy to imitate the banal amus- ingly, but at least a dozen of you succeed- ed, Ray Kelley and Alanna Blake promi- nent. The length of McGonagall's lines limits me to four prizewinners, who are rewarded by £35 each. The bottle of the Macallan Single Malt Highland Scotch whisky goes to Ian S. Alexander (`shoogly' is Scots for 'wobbly). Alas, it is most lamentable to have to record That the beautiful Blade of Light bridge across the Thames is flawed,

And all those persons who wished to cross over it to St Paul's

Have been restrained by fear and apprehension in case it falls;

Also it has been a source of disappointment and trepidation

To all the clever designers who did not foresee its oscillation. And now before we all give in to deep despair Perhaps the relevant authorities should bring in Mr Blair, For since the bridge is obviously too highly strung He can advise us how it should be properly hung, Since, as he is well known for scoring off a googly,

Without doubt he could commend a scheme to stop it being shoogly.

(Ian S. Alexander) Beautiful Millennium Bridge, that joins the north and south banks Of the mighty Thames! for which we must all give thanks, And praise the design, which has never before been seen,

And was modelled, 1 understand, on a trampoline.

For when the good people stepped on it, it began to shake and shiver And made them all think they were going to fall in the river; And many, alas, feared for a fate that was grim, Particularly those who had never learned to swim.

Still, let us be thankful that no one was swept away As they were from the Bridge over the silvery Tay On the last Sabbath day of 1879.

But I shall not be crossing the Millennium Bridge for a very long time.

(Geoffrey Riley) Lofty Millennium Bridge, made like a ribbon of steel, That was built over the Thames with great popular appeal!

For 370 metres it stretched from the north bank to the south And people did admire it and praised it with open mouth.

It must have come as a most terrible shock To one and all that attempted on it to walk, For though it cost four million pounds it started to sway And the authorities had to turn pedestrians away.

But sensible people declare it could have been foreseen, For the same thing happened near Dundee and the Magdalen Green.

But God was watching London that day perhaps, Because the bridge just wobbled and did not collapse. (Frank McDonald)

Of all the works that for the new Millennium were begun

The lovely Thames bridge must hold the Blue Ribbon.

This ribbon of light is like a necklace of '• shimmering gems More than 40 foot high above Old Father Thames.

At the opening, the Queen may have wondered what the bridge could have cost her, Designed as it was by no less a man than the great Lord Foster.

But dry-shod from St Paul's Her Majesty's feet have now trodden To visit the interesting sculptures on display in Tate Modern.

Alas, such were the crowds who then rushed to cross the river That the bridge started shaking hither and thither.

It has had to be closed until the fault can be corrected.

So St Paul's from Bankside is still, temporarily,