Country life
Love thy neighbour
Leanda de Lisle
That memorable day at Buckingham Palace came shortly after our neighbour was let out of prison to enjoy his riches. He had been put away for a few months for handling stolen cars — a crime he commit- ted before the mother of his children bought the winning lottery ticket. He promptly married her and, I'm sure, deter- `Gosh, how long's that been in the freezer?' mined that his criminal career was now over. However, his elevation to the rank of solid citizen did not spare him from being sent down, and a local newspaper gleefully published a photograph of our house alongside one of the prison under the headline 'From This to This'.
I telephoned the newspaper before peo- ple started to ask why my husband wasn't behind bats and explained that the lottery winners had actually bought a house next door. It is a place with a sad history. It used to be a farm but the old lady I know who was brought up there told me that her father had been killed in the first world war and her brother in the second. Eventually, a rich businessman bought the house with about 40 acres of land and transformed it into his dream home. Then his business lost money and he sold it to the lottery win- ners who fell in love with its long tarma- eked drive, baroque balustrading, indoor swimming-pool and plush furnishings — not to mention the television that pops up at the end of the bed at the touch of a but- ton.
The businessman's racehorses have been replaced by a Ferrari, a Bentley, a Toyota, a motorbike and a helicopter. The motor- bike may no longer be there as it met with a bit of an accident in a village near by. As for the other cars, they are beautiful, but I'm terrified of meeting one travelling at speed down a country lane, particularly as our neighbour was once involved in a joY- riding accident in which his half-brother tragically died. The helicopter is less worri- some, but it was extremely irritating having it buzzing to and fro across our lawn last summer. This stopped while he was in prison, but his wife built a hangar as a sur- prise present for his return.
My heart sank at the thought of our peace and quiet being shattered by rotor blades again. However, it turned out that the hangar had come as a bit of a surprise to the local planning department too and I haven't seen a helicopter flying over the house all summer. Perhaps it's rusted up. Some ungenerous friends have suggested that we try to get rid of our neighbours by bankrupting them. They advise sending them car brochures and young ladies from Colefax and Fowler. However, I believe they will become a bonus to the village. Their attitude to intruders is already stern- er than our own. The property is surround- ed by razor wire, watched by security cameras, guarded by large dogs and — ne occasion — patrolled by former members of the SAS.
The lottery winners are clearly not the kind of people you would want to annoy and I'm sure every lawn-mower thief in the area knows that. I'm hoping that when they are signed up to a neighbourhood watch scheme we will be more likely to win the National Lottery than have our potting sheds broken into. Such neighbours could be worth their weight in gold as well as six and a half million pounds.
Previous page
