Q. Our son and his fiancée are getting married in
Pretoria, South Africa, later this year, although they both live in London, where they have their established home. They would prefer guests not to give them presents they would be unable to cope with in their small flat in Pretoria, and shipping gifts back from RSA would prove especially problematic and costly. How can they say politely and nicely, without offence, that they would prefer financial gifts to help with the proposed refurbishment of their kitchen rather than ‘another toaster’? I know you will know what to do, Mary.
M.E., Cyprus A. Practical though the suggestion may be, many wedding guests will bridle if asked to hand over cash rather than a present. It’s the unsubtlety they resent. Instead, your son should set up a wedding list at his nearest English branch of, for example, John Lewis. He and his fiancée can visit the store and go about ‘scanning in’ the items they favour. Guests can then access the John Lewis website from all points of the globe and pay online, either for an item specified or, if they wish, they can just buy a gift voucher for any sum they choose. Some of them will far prefer to do this — as long as they have not been ordered to do so. There is no such thing as a surfeit of John Lewis vouchers. All these goods will then be delivered, free of charge, to their English home. The list stays open for eight weeks and the couple should send out details with their wedding invitations of how to log on to it.
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