Westminster Corridors
Master Heath hath this week laid claim to Wondrous Powers of Sympathetic Insight into the Minds of the Populace, declaring his Conviction that those who voted to Extinguish Oeconomical Liberty were in reality Hostile to this Notion, and also that those whose Suffrage was employed in the Tory interest were Inspired by Loyalty to His Own, Person, and by no other Motive, in consequence whereof it were Trickery for the Ministry to give Effect to its Schemes and Treachery to Overturn Him. But few pay heed to Master Heath's Logical Contortions, and I shall not enlarge here on the buffets, squibs, crackers, insults, injuries and lampoons he must presently endure.
Instead let me retail the latest Gossip concerning our new Masters. As you must know, they are Riven in several Hostile Factions, above all else Bent on the Humiliation of their Allies — principally the True Fanaticks, the Moderates (or those who would be Praised as Such by Master Rees-Mogg), and the Placemen, of Whom Master Wedgwood Benn, Master Jenkins and Master Callaghan stand forth as the Undeniable Archetypes.
Now, as the Annual Gathering of these Factions approaches, Master Callaghan (who would have the World suppose him to be a SimpleJohn Bull, yet who lacks Guile only as the Serpent lacks Venom) Ponders on how to Retain His Office as Treasurer against the Challenge mounted by a lowly but Formidable Champion of the Fanaticks, Master Norman Atkinson by name. Nor does so wily a Politician fail to hit on a Happy Stratagem. Well knowing that nothing so Delights the Fanaticks as Measures to Benefit the Hottentots, or at least Measures to Confound their Oppressors (even if these same Measures should sometimes Wound the Hottentots by Accidental Effect), Master Callaghan determines to Announce that Her Majesty's Navy will no more Enjoy the Use of the Harbour at Simon's Town of the Aethiop Continent which was a Refuge for our Tars from Milton's "steep Atlantick stream."
Yet, even among the Fanaticks, there are some not without Guile. For, this Decision having been Resolved upon in Cabinet but not yet Revealed to the World, Master Benn announces to a Vast Assembly that he and His Friends Consider it a Vile Compromise with Evil that even a single Vessel of Her Majesty's Fleet should visit Simon's Town; nor will he tolerate that it should continue for long. For Ile calculates that, when the Decision of his Colleagues is Publicly admitted, then it will be ascribed to his Courage, Independence, Influence, etc., and the Fanatick Cause much advanced thereby. In this Calculation does he reckon without the Watchfulness of the Prime Minister, and his Attention to nice Constitutional points. And he requests from Master Benn an Assurance that he will for the future Abide by the Practice of Collective Responsibility, that is, Supporting the Defence of the Realm today, and Deriding it as an Unnecessary Delusion tomorrow.
Presently, therefore, Master Benn and his Accomplices debate as to whether he should tamely Endure this Humiliation so as to Remain within near Distance of Power or Imitate a Man of Principle (there have, of late, been many such Impersonations) and Depart Nobly from the Ministry. For, it is strongly Urged by some among the Fanaticks that an Oeconomical Catastrophe will shortly o'erwhelm the Country, that Levelling must by no means be held to Blame for this Event but instead Benefit by it, and that such an Outcome requires the Absence of True Believers from the Inmost Counsels of the State. On the Side of Staying within the Cabinet, they hold, are mere Baubles — Ambition, Pomp, the Deference of Toadies, and Easy Transportation.
It is hazarded among our Cynicks, of whom Puzzle confesses himself a member, that these Mercenary Considerations, though they may indeed by Illusory, will yet Prevail. For, to Combine the Advantages of both the Hireling and the Man of Principle hath long been the Ambition of all Publick Men.
Tom Puzzle
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