14 OCTOBER 2000

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PORTRAIT OF THE WEEK

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Members of the Tory party rolling the world's biggest joint for the Guinness Book of Records at Bournemouth some years ago T he names of four people interviewed by police in...

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SPECTATOR

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The Spectator, 56 Doughty Street, London WC1N 2LL Telephone: 020-7405 1706; Fax 020-7242 0603 DRUGS AND LIBERTY D isaster? What disaster? The entire media continue to write...

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DIARY

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STUART REID T o London City airport, for the first time. In the mid-afternoon traffic it takes about an hour to make the seven-mile jour- ney from central London, so I arrive...

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POLITICS

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Ann Widdecombe is arrogant and wrong, but the blame for the Big Gaffe lies with Mr Hague BRUCE ANDERSO N D uring the Major government, Ann Widdecombe and Oliver Henley were...

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ANOTHER VOICE

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Now is the time for all good men to confess to the shameful secrets of their youth MATTHEW PARRIS L ive radio can be terrifying. Of course you get accustomed to doing it, up...

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A TALE OF TWO CHURCHES

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It's hard to be neutral about Catholicism and Anglicanism. Melanie Phillips gives a Jewish view of the meeting in Rome next week between the Pope and the Queen HER MAJESTY...

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GIVE THE SERBS THEIR KOSOVO

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Tom Walker says the West should stop its one-sided support of the Albanians IT was the spring of 1998, and the prim- roses had just pushed their way through the lingering,...

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HAZE OF DOPE

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Jasper Gerard probes the thick blue smoke that surrounds the Prime Minister's gap year MANY heads have been swimming since it was discovered that the chalk-striped char- lies...

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DID ALIENS ABDUCT AL?

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Mark Steyn says that Gore is getting even weirder, sighing and lying and looking like a pantomime dame. He'll lose big time New Hampshire THERE are times, frankly, when I feel...

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Banned wagon

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A weekly survey of the things our rulers want to prohibit ACCIDENT prevention is a noble enough aim. Unfortunately, as the many organisations working in this field have long...

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HIGH-RISE HEAVEN

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Ross Clark says the tourists should lighten up. There is nothing wrong with the inner cities that the market can't cure IT IS an axiom of British political com- mentary that...

THE BLAIRS

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Michael Heath

Page 23

Mind your language

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ONE of you very kindly sent me an antidote to all that tosh about the 17th- century nun growing old (30 Septem- ber). This is a genuine early 18th-century piece by Jonathan...

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HOW BT BLEW IT

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Is he arrogant or shy? Whatever the answer, says Hugo Dixon, Lain Vallance's dead hand has done for British Telecom IT SEEMED to have so much promise. It was the first of...

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GOOD VIBRATIONS

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Rachel Johnson visits a feminist sex shop in Antwerp and leaves shaken but not stirred `SO are you going to the PTA coffee morning, then?' I was asked at the school gates last...

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Second opinion

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WHAT are the most terrible words in the English language? Without doubt, they are 'I love her — or him — to bits, doc- tor'. For loving someone to bits in modern British...

UNRELIABLE MEMORIES

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Max Hastings on why he refused to give evidence before the new Bloody Sunday inquiry A CONVERSATION from history came back to mock me a fortnight ago. The IRA released tapes...

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SHARED OPINION

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Are you now, or have you ever been, a virgin, Secretary of State? FRANK JOHNSON At the time of writing, the Labour Cabi- net is bravely holding out. After the Mail on Sunday's...

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Shooting the messengers

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GOOD news from the Equitable Life for its policyholders, or some of them. They are being paid £70 to tell its researchers where its communications have gone wrong. Cer- ....

Utilitas publica

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KEN Livingstone still wants to keep Lon- don Underground free of private risk and public usefulness. As the next best thing, he is bringing in Robert Kiley, who comes from New...

Periculum privatum

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THE seal of the Stockton and Darlington Railway shows four coal trucks pulled by a horse. The directors would not go nap (says my railway correspondent, I.K. Gricer) on George...

CITY AND SUBURBAN

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An atrium over the woks it's the sign of doom foretold by Parkinson the Lawgiver CHRISTOPHER FILDES T he Royal Bank of Scotland is trying to build itself a swagger new...

Hello, Dubai

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THE empire of global capitalism strikes back. After the riots in Prague, the Interna- tional Monetary Fund retired to its fortress in Washington, where those concrete lumps in...

Fair exchange

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NATIONAL pride is at stake, both of the managers have now walked out, nobody else seems to want their jobs, so I propose a swap. Kevin Keegan would become chief executive of the...

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MEDIA STUDIES

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If Hollick really is going to sell the Express to the Barclays, he'd better look lively STEPHEN GLOVER Then the horse's mouth got in touch with me, if I can put it that way....

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Bruce's bad habit

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From Dr P. G. Urben Sir: 'Cigarettes are far more dangerous than all the other drugs put together.' Whatever Bruce Anderson (Politics, 7 October) was on when he wrote that is...

Superwit Hague

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From Mr Christopher Heneghan Sir: I was fascinated by the symmetry of sev- eral articles in your 30 September edition: Oborne, Wheatcroft and Parris on UK poli- tics, and Mark...

London grime

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From Sir David Nicholas, CBE Sir: I walked down Piccadilly the other after- noon afternoon at about 3 p.m. The litter bins were full to overflowing. In a doorway near the Royal...

LETTERS Righting African wrongs

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From Mr Tony Leon, MP Sir: Dr Essop Pahad, MP, Minister in the Presidency, South African Government, has now internationalised his usual domestic cocktail of bilious rhetoric,...

Couch critics

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From Mr Bernard Dunstan, RA Sir: Mark Glazebrook, writing about the new Saatchi exhibition (Arts, 23 September), seems to think that there is nothing nowa- days between 'cheeky,...

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Sins of the fathers

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From Mr A. Blesovsky Sir: It is strange that, in their articles on Israel and the shooting of a 12-year-old boy (7 October), neither Emma Williams nor Stephen Glover asked the...

Race confusion

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From Mr John Owen Sir: Taki (High life, 7 October) claims to be free of racism 'if racism means disliking someone because of the colour of their skin'. So why does he mention...

Poetry pleas

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From Mr Michael Horowitz Sir: Your editorial of 23 September claimed that The Spectator is reversing its anti-poetry policy', but went on to insist that to be admis- sible,...

Pension promises

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From Mr Alan Pavelin Sir: You justify restoring the earnings link for the state pension on the grounds that it `is in effect a contract drawn up with tax- payers decades ago'...

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AND ANOTHER THING

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Plundering the poor and waging war on the beggars PAUL JOHNSON I have always hated the Lottery. I hate all forms of gambling, but this one is peculiarly objectionable. It is,...

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BOOKS

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Do we still need them? Julie Burchill S ometimes, when my friends have public engagements that they don't feel equal to, they call me up, and as I have such a good imagination...

SPECNOR

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Subscribe NOW! M11.5 12 months (52 issues) 6 months (26 Krum) UK -❑ £97 ❑ £49 Europe ❑ £115 ❑ £58 USA ❑ US$175 ❑ US$88 Canada ❑ £129 ❑ £65 Australia...

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La pourriture noble

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Philip MacCann THE WAY OF ALL FLESH: A CELEBRATION OF DECAY by Midas Dekkers, translated from the Dutch by Sherry Marx-MacDonald Harvill, £16.99, pp. 280 I n a time of instant...

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Those who won't lie down and die

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Jonathan Mirsky THE DAILY 'TELEGRAPH BOOK OF SPORTS OBITUARIES edited by Martin Smith Macmillan, £15.99, pp. 332 I n 1959 I met a swimmer from the 1928 Chinese Olympic team,...

SPEUFATOR BOOK OF THE WEEK

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A grateful guest in the world

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Brian Masters MANGO AND MIMOSA by Suzanne St Albans Virago, £18.99, pp. 338 I f ever one entertained doubts about the difference between autobiography and memoir, this...

Failing to reach Grimsby

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Harry Mount THE WRONG BOY by Willy Russell Doubleday, £16.99, pp.411 A few weeks ago, a letter appeared in the Times Literary Supplement pointing out a mistake in Anthony...

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Surprised by joy

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Selina Hastings DEEP ROMANTIC CHASM: DIARIES, 1979-1981 by James Lees-Milne, edited by Michael Bloch John Murray, f22.50, pp. 276 T his volume of diaries by James Lees- Milne...

Correction The author of The Road to Nab End: A

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Lancashire Childhood is William Woodruff, not William Woodward, as printed in Robert Oakeshott's review of 30 September. We apologise for this mistake.

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The fascination of the banal

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Norman Lebrecht THE POSTCARD CENTURY by Tom Phillips Thames & Hudson, £29.95, £19.95, pp. 452 T he time has come to confess to a dirty little habit, before the tabloids get...

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The men who would be king

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Alan Sked REBELS, PRETENDERS AND IMPOSTORS by Clive Cheesman and Jonathan Williams British Museum Press, £17.99, pp. 192 efore the age of newspapers and pho- tography, it was...

Nothing matters very much

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Robert Macfarlane J ohn Barrow wrote a very good book about scientific TOEs or Theories of Every- thing, so it seems only proper that he should since have turned his...

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A choice of first fiction

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Jessica Berry ■ hen the body of a young woman is found lying in her blood in a Viennese park beneath the statue of Kaiserin Elizabeth, herself assassinated 12 years before,...

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Hiring and firing

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Roger Lewis W hen they were making Cany On Don't Lose Your Head, the one about the French Revolution, the wonder is that the cast didn't grab their chance to shove Peter...

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Playing well with oneself

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Patrick Skene Catling THE WHOLE HOG by Aidan Higgins Secker, £16.99, pp. 400 T he structure of this final volume of Aidan Higgins's autobiographical trilogy is fugal and...

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Hot water and cold revenge

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Philip Glazebrook THE STAR'S TENNIS BALLS by Stephen Fry Hutchinson, £16.99, pp. 371 T he opening pages of a novel need to interest the reader in the novel's milieu before he...

The full jigsaw revealed

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David Nokes ENLIGHTENMENT: BRITAIN AND THE CREATION OF THE MODERN WORLD by Roy Porter Allen Lane, £25, pp. 727 R ay Porter reads in many ways like Daniel Defoe, one of the...

Page 55

A child of celluloid fantasy

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Jonathan Keates MANUEL PUIG AND THE SPIDER WOMAN by Suzanne Jill Levine Faber, £20, pp. 429 M anuel Puig (Pooch' to Catalans, `Pooig' to Argentinians) achieved interna- tional...

Page 56

FINE ARTS SPECIAL

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Victims of their own success Martin Gayford finds museums and galleries besieged by milling crowds Y ou've got to be careful about wanting things, as is well known, because...

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First-night excitements

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Andrew Larnbirth enjoys an extravaganza of opening parties T he autumn season of exhibitions and their attendant private views is now well under way. It began properly for me...

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Triumph of art over evil

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Mark Glazebrook charts the turbulent history of Warsaw's Bellotto paintings A t the end of the 19th century, R.A.M. Stevenson acknowledged in his book on Velazquez that there...

An exhibition of work by Jonathan Pike can be seen

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at W.H. Patterson, 19 Albermarle Street, Wl, until 18 Octo- ber. Included in the show is 'Fonda- menta de le Procuratie' (above), plus paintings inspired by Pike's travels to...

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Heads on the block

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John Spurling is irritated by flippant curators at a new exhibition of portrait busts T his exhibition is sadly and irritatingly misconceived. The basic idea of assembling a...

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Delivering the (luxury) goods

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Susan Moore on the importance of 'lifestyle' in selling works of art I t may seem perverse to cast an eye across the glossy, glamorous surface of the international art market...

How does your garden grow?

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Nicholas Powell wanders around a magnificent mediaeval garden in Paris M onkey and unicorn prints pad along the path beside plants which mediaeval tapestry makers once wove into...

Page 63

Cinema

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Important artefact Mark Steyn I saw This Is Spinal Tap first time round. in 1984, back in my disc-jockey days when I was spending a lot of time backstage wait- ing to...

Page 64

Opera

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Orphee et Eurydice (New Theatre, Cardiff) Sublime resolution Michael Tanner W hat is the centre of interest in Gluck's Orphee et Eurydice, as realised by Berlioz? The new and...

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Theatre

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Noises Off (Lyttleton) Romeo and Juliet (Olivier) Ring Round The Moon (King's Head) National crisis Sheridan Morley A ound London or regional theatres at present, it is (or...

Page 66

Dance

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A couple without love Giannandrea Poesio I f you like your Shakespeare twisted and washed up to the point that it becomes almost unrecognisable, do not miss Angelin...

Page 67

Music

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Life in the market yet Peter Phillips I t has been just over a year since Hay- market Publishing took over Gramophone magazine. It is just under a month before Haymarket...

Radio

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Quantity, not quality Michael Vestey I sometimes think the BBC is like a pow- erful and incorrigible virus, forever spread- ing, pausing occasionally to deal with a briefly...

Page 68

Television

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Surreal success Simon Hoggart G oodness, just when we'd almost given up, along comes a terrific new sitcom. Black Books (Friday, Channel 4) reaches its third episode this...

Page 69

The turf

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Cases and races Robin Oakley In seats next to the German contingent I found myself surrounded by people whose entire vocabulary consisted of sexual swear words relentlessly...

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No life

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Laughing matters Jeremy Clarke I couldn't say for certain that I was depressed. Maybe melancholia and guilt, I told myself, were perfectly normal reac- tions to living the way...

High life

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Athenian ideals Taki The reason for the invasion was George and Iro Kovas's ball on the occasion of their daughter's wedding. The Kovases, as you may imagine, are not exactly...

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Country life

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Stick to your guns Leanda de Lisle F oxhunters have long warned that if their sport was banned, the next target would be pheasant shooting. But they were wrong. Neither the...

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Singular life

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Just say yes Petronella Wyatt I t's the Alan Clark season again. Good old Al and his diaries, full of indiscretions about the great and the bad, and above all yet more...

BRIDGE

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No finesse Susanna Gross MYRTLE BENNETT of Kansas City, whom I wrote about last week, was not the only person charged with committing mur- der at the bridge table. There's...

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COMPETITION

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Myself when young.. . Jaspistos IN COMPETITION NO. 2157 you were invited to supply an imaginary boastful confession of juvenile naughtiness by a British politician, alive or...

, RdbN The U [timate [slay Malt.

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CHESS Rdbeci www.ardhes.corn London calling Raymond Keene THE $2 million match for the world chess championship between the world's top two ranked players is now under way...

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CROSSWORD

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1485: Supernumerary by Columba A first prize of £30 and a bottle of Graham's award-winning, Late- Bottled Vintage Port for the first correct solution opened on 30 October,...

No. 2160: Light touch, heavy topic

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wish I had the voice of Homer/ To sing of rectal carcinoma,' exclaimed J.B.S. Haldane, a sufferer, and wrote a poem which has found its way into anthologies of light verse. You...

Solution to 1482: Cunning

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'A 0 Hm_i_ 11P L A . 5 F'Ell T 0 ItiFFECTI,ONED _,A N E 1319" ES T A in Ela ER c elk E ir) EF NH I R V E 0 g al& Ba ri Ng a Ell .‘. AA rii, A I 11110110 1 T . _1...

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SPECTATOR SPORT

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The job from hell Simon Barnes NOTHING in the job became him like the leaving it. Kevin Keegan resigned as coach to the England football team on the revolu- tionary grounds...

YOUR PROBLEMS SOLVED

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Dear Mary.. . Q. When sending flowers in London, I ring Pulbrook & Gould who I know will send something fabulous. In the summer, for example, they sent out for me little two-...