REPORT ON COMPETITION NO. 33

IT was recently recorded in our columns that the first question

put to a certain candidate for a commission in the Guards was "Do you hunt?" Prizes were accordingly offered for the best lists of similar questions to be put to candidates for various other

specified posts. Almost every entry for this competition con- tained at least one ingenious suggestion, but there were not many that managed to remain plausible throughout. It was reassuring to note how accurately our readers guessed the re- quirements of candidates for positions on the staff of The Spectator. Mr. H. C. Minchin really put the matter in a nut-

shell with the last question in the prize-winning entry printed below. E. P. Arnall correctly amplified one of his points with the query "Are your political opinions biased in any direction?" Mr. L. Marshall Jones amplified another by asking, "Do you ever use what is called ' Slang ' "1 The proprieties \Nitre looked after by a competitor who omitted to send either name or address, Lady Margaret Hall and R. Glynn Grylls, who respec- tively enquired, "Are you respectable?" "Do you belong to the Athenaeum?" and "Are you a Fellow of All Souls?"

Nearly every competitor gave his or her attention to the ques- tion of a vacancy on our staff, every other competitor attempted to assist the Archbishop of Canterbury to make a similar appoint-

ment. The best single suggestion sent in was D. G. Ansell's "Can you compose sermons in the style of Times leaders?" William Stewart's "Are you fond of detective stories?" had an air of plausibility about it, though his second suggestion "Are you a judge of claret?" had not. Sadoc's "What is the order ot pre-

cedence among (a) a Bishop's stepmother, (b) a Dean's wife, and (c) an Archdeacon's widow ; assuming (a) to be a Nigerian Prin- cess by birth and (c) to have recently completed two short terms for shoplifting?" had ingenuity, if nothing else, to commend it.

Of the other suggestions the following were the best. For the B.B.C.—" Does your voice sound as if you're wearing tails?"

(D. G. Ansell); "Oxford or Cambridge?" (Douglas Hawson); "What rank did you attain in the 0.T.C.? " (William Stewart). For a Cochran chorus, "Are you a young lady?" (Guy Innes); "Have you been presented?" (E. Aitken); "Was your mother on

the halls?" (William Stewart). For Haw-Haw's entourage the regulation query was "Where is the 'Ark Royal '? "—the only noteworthy variation being Flying Officer M. D. M. Cochrane's "Do you shoot the fox?" The most taking queries for Mr. Churchill's secretariat and the staff of Old Moore's Almanack

appear in the prize-winning entries. Somerset House produced nothing of note.

Mr. Douglas Hawson wins the first prize, and the second goes to Mr. H. C. Minchin for a list which admittedly gets more marks for ingenuity than for plausibility.

First Prize.

The Staff of The Spectator.

Do you regularly attend a place of worship?

The B.B.C.

Do you play the gramophone?

Mr. Churchill's Secretariat.

What are the points of a good cigar?

Haw-Haw's Entourage.

Have you read the works of Munchausen?

The Staff of Old Moore's Almanack.

How many names would a "distinguished politician" suggest to you? DOUGLAS HAWSON.

Second Prize.

The B.B.C.

Are you of opinion that a Mongoose, „after some weeks' residence in the Isle of Man, is capable of being successfully trained as an Announcer?

Mr. Churchill's Secretariat.

Are you competent to produce, at short notice, a synthesis of the World's conflicting policies and ambitions from Sydney Street to Yokohama?

The Archbishop of Canterbury's Secretariat.

Can you undertake to draw up a scheme for squaring the ecclesiasti- cal circle by boxing the theological compass?

Haw-Haw's Entourage.

Have you the effrontery of Ananias, the persistence of the Impor- tunate Widow, the imagination of Baron Munchausen the sophistry of Thrasymachus, and (for your own comfort) the hide Of a rhinoceros?

The Staff of The Spectator.

Have you a lucid and persuasive style, a habit of considering each question on its merits, a passion for fair play, and a disposition to