YOUR PROBLEMS SOLVED
Dear Mary.. .
Q. At a dinner party the other night, some chocolates were passed around the table. They were a present to the hostess from one of the guests, a chocolate manufactur- er in Piccadilly; they were his own product. The chocolates were unbelievably delicious and, as they came around the table for the second time and reached my place, I noticed that there were only five left. Were I and everyone else between me and the top of the table to have a second, there would be none left for the hostess. As I said, 'No thank you,' I noticed the shop- keeper's face fall, but I could hardly explain my reason as it might have made him feel he had been ungenerous in not bringing a bigger box. What would you have done, Mary?
A. You could have said, 'I won't. That first chocolate was so delicious I feel it would be disloyal to it to have another.'
Q. In response to H.M.M's query about a masochistic, broke bill-payer (12 February), might I offer a foolproof suggestion? When I wish to pay the bill, I alert the maitre d', arrange a trip to the powder room towards the end of the meal when the bill has been added up (but before it is presented at the table), and quietly pay at the cashier's desk. This takes virtually no time provided the S. T, Wiltshire staff are forewarned. When the masochist asks for the bill, the waiter replies, 'It has been taken care of.' It always works and saves any embarrassment. T.P.L., New York A. Thank you for your tip, which would also be usable provided the masochist had not, as H.M.M's friend has learnt to do, already taken the precaution of lunching at one of his clubs where rules allow members only to settle the bill.
Q. Recently I attended an old friend's 30th birthday party where I met his girlfriend. I had seen the lady before but had never been introduced and there followed an embarrassing pause as the kiss/shake hands conundrum loomed. The lady offered her cheek as I offered my hand and the moment was missed. I retreated with a limp handshake and lame quip about saving the kiss until we were better acquainted. How- ever, I now learn the poor girl is deeply offended by my conduct and is firm in her conviction that I am a graceless brute (nothing could be further from the truth, Mary). I am sure you have addressed this problem before, but please tell me what I should have done to have avoided this rela- tional ruination, and what I must do when next we meet to effect a reconciliation.
C.P., London SE1 A. Where uncertainty reigns, avoid being wrong-footed by first thrusting forward your hand. A shake can be adapted at any stage into a more huggy clasp. Simultane- ously stare into the eyes of the introducee as though mesmerised. Your friendly pas- sivity will prompt the other party into mak- ing the first move towards kissing, if she considers a kiss appropriate. If so, you can make a split-second response to her ges- ture. If not, you can continue to exude friendliness at arm's length. By placing the ball in the other person's court you cannot go wrong. Meanwhile, use a third party to explain that your gaucheness should not have been taken personally so as to mend fences in advance of your next meeting.
If you have a problem, write to Dear Mary, do The Spectator, 56 Doughty Street, Lon- don WC1N 2LL.
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