COMPETITION

No. 617: The end of the day

We are promised Mr Wilson's memoirs. Competitors are invited to provide the blurb for its appearance in book form, or its open- ing paragraph. Limit 120 words. Entries, marked 'Competition No. 617,' by 28 August.

No. 614: The winners

Charles Seaton reports: Competitors were asked to apostrophise the dockers with a verse entreaty or imprecation. The large number of new entrants inclines me to think that this touched on a nerve somewhere. True, as Vera Teller pointed out, 'To scoff or scorn or even plead these verses come too late'; nevertheless it is not too late to reveal that the result of the SPECTATOR competition opinion poll was: FOR the dockers 9 per cent AGAINST 85 per cent DON'T KNOW 6 per cent

The 'antis' were fairly evenly divided between coaxing and cursing, but cursing gives much more scope and consequently hogs the priies. T. Griffiths doesn't like the docker: 0 the docker is a shocker With a sinister scowl; He keeps in his locker A portrait of Powell.

Nor does Richard Probyn : ... So I feel no bonhomie Towards them, upsetting the econhomie: If! saw one standing on a wharf I'd shove him arf.

J. M. Crooks exercises his mind over a suitable punishment for the dockers:

. . . You asked for more—a heinous crime!. I sentence you to Overtime Both night and day : far less of you Your wives will see—a good thing too! That ought to stop you lazy shockers From breeding lots more greedy dockers.

And now for the prizes: a guinea to all those quoted, two guineas to J.F.P. (name and address, please) whose entry space does not allow me to print in full, and four guineas each to Brian Allgar and H. A. C. Evans. Commendations to W. S. Brownlie, Peter Peterson, P.M., C. L. Bundela, L. S. Crowder, A. Jarvis and R. J. Holdsworth.

Docker, Docker, working light, Satisfied that Jack's alright, What infernal cheek or gall Allows you thus to squeeze us all?

... When at last you take advice Who will come to pay your price?

Where will Britain's exports be While you who made the mess make tea?

The altruistic docker Is much misunderstood: His actions are unselfish, His motives pure and good.

The self-effacing docker, So modest in his claims, Has but the common welfare To guide his simple aims.

The philanthropic docker Is good for trade as well, For oranges are pricey And I've plenty left to sell.

God bless the noble docker, Best friend I ever had!

He's quadrupled my profits-- Now, how can that be bad?

Brian All

in waking and curse you in sleepin in talking, in laughing, in

weepin, at home, may your children defy you in bed, may your women deny you in beer when you go to the booze in darts, may you always be loser: in punting, the dogs or the horses: in betting shop, curse you on

COLlfSes

on Club Night and curse you

at Bingo in cursing, blaspheming, by Jingo at meetings, all voting like yobs; like fools walking out off

your job: in motor-car, curse you on bike: in selfishness, Curse You On

Strike

H.A.C. Evan

Curse you Curse you Curse you Curse you Curse you Curse you Curse you Curse you Curse you Curse you Curse you Curse you Curse you Curse you