COMPETITION

High IQ number

Christopher Howse

IN COMPETITION NO. 2046 you were invited to provide a solo, duet or trio involving great men of the mind, inspired by news of the premiere of a German musi- cal featuring songs and dances by Kier- kegaard, Hegel and Freud.

It turned out to be a case of reality out- doing art. After all, Nietzsche, before becoming irrevocably mad, managed to publish a setting for orchestra and chorus of a poem by Lou von Salome. And Hobbes, according to Aubrey, when he was abed, and the door made fast, and was sure nobody heard him, he sang aloud (not that he had a very good voice) but for his health's sake: he did beleeve it did his Lunges good'. Hobbes was a popular choice for you (bad luck to Ralph Rochester, who pref- aced his lyric version of Leviathan with the pleasing stage direction: 'Enter Mr Thos. Hobbes singing, and skipping like a danc- ing bear'), but not as popular as Descartes, whose cogito quickly becomes a cliché. Boethius made a welcome appearance, and Frank Dunnill stretched 'great men of the mind' to include Mr Blair's think-tankers, which was going a bit far. We heard noth- ing of Heidegger or Malebranche, Leibniz or Locke. Worst of all, apart from entries seeming to make no sense whatsoever, it was difficult to think that many of the num- bers would go with a swing. Enough carp- ing: the prizewinners printed below get £30 each, and the bonus bottle of The Mac- allan The Malt Scotch whisky goes to the healthy-lunged Denis Young.

Solo: Mr T Hobbes We'd lead the most wicked of lives, We'd violate other men's wives, We'd steal the sweets from the kids in the streets, And be nasty, brutish and short, yeah yeah!

We'd be nasty, brutish and short. We'd cosh an old man for his shoes, We'd burgle a pub for the booze, We'd murder a pal if we fancied his gal, And be nasty, brutish and short, yeah yeah!

We'd be nasty, brutish and short.

Are we nasty, brutish and short?

Not a bit! we behave as we ought.

For a monarch we dread will strike us down dead, If we're nasty, brutish and short, no no!

If we're nasty, brutish and short. (Denis Young) My name is de Bono, my aim is to shatter all The chains on your brainpower, and make thinking lateral.

I'm pro flexibility, I'm contra rigidity: A notion dismissed as the height of stupidity By logical wits who make judgments 'objectively' May well, if it's tried, solve the problem effectively.

The Yes and No borders to mindplay are crossable With Po, which provokingly leads to the possible. You change or derange in a world ever mutable— So wear all Six Hats till you find one that's suitable.

When conflicts arise don't react apoplectically; They won't be resolved if you clash dialectically; Blend speaking and listening in active passivity: Conspire to release your design creativity.

Yes, go for win-win and make win-lose a no-no Head forward de novo with Edward de Bono!

(Ray Kelley) Freud: Listen to my powerful song, I am Freud and never wrong.

Jung: I am Jung and can't agree,

When patient's introverted, see?

Adler: I am Adler, all for rating How the patient's compensating.

Freud: Look to the maiming of the child!

Both your theories make me wild.

Jung: The present is what matters more, Synthesising is the core.

Adler: Nonsense! The future is the key.

What you will is what you'll be.

Freud: Shut up! Be quiet! I am the boss.

Libido's all, the rest is dross.

All together: We don't like each other much. (Pay your bill and keep in touch.) (T. Griffiths) Duet: John Maynard Keynes and Milton Friedman JMK. Just try this simple test: invest In unalloyed enjoyment — You'll find the state will celebrate The end of unemployment.

MF: But there's no tomorrow if you borrow To save the needy nation: Just keep one eye on money supply And finish off inflation.

JMK. Look, bring me a navvy with some savvy And pay him to dig a hole - Then sub him td plug it, and he'll spend a nugget Which he didn't earn on the dole.

MF: Now listen, Keynes, let go the reins, And let that market rule — JMK. Fine-tune the rates and save the state!

MF: Don't intervene, you fool!

(Bill Greenwell)