YOUR PROBLEMS SOLVED
Q. My family and I have moved into a 'Vic- torian Executive Stable Block Develop- ment'. Though we are on the edge of a town, the ten separate properties comprise what is effectively a self-enclosed small estate with its own drive and central green. Relations between the residents have so far been harmonious. Now the last remaining Property has been occupied by a couple who own a large dog. They have been seen blithely directing the dog to use the central green as a lavatory. There are two other dogs on the 'estate', but as there are 500 acres of open fields behind us their owners have no need to take them on to the green. How can we stop this lone pollution of an otherwise pristine park? We have a resi- dents' committee but none of us wishes to make the newcomers — who seem very nice otherwise — feel we are ganging up against them.
C. T, Rolleston, Leics 11. The residents' committee should agree that the central green be sprayed by a selec- tive broad-leaf weed-killer such as Grazon or Broadshot. These kill weeds but not grass and have a desirable '14-day clear- ance for animals' recommendation. This
Dear Mary.. .
will enable one of you to knock at the new- comers' door in a friendly neighbourly manner and warn them to keep their dog off the grass for two weeks as it might oth- erwise suffer from a tummy upset. Wear a concerned expression on your face as you pat the dog, make a fuss of it and cheer it up with the news that there are 500 acres of open fields behind the house where it might go to the loo instead. One of the other dog-owners should be primed to stage a dog-walking encounter during the two-week hold-off period. They can suggest brightly to the offending owner, 'Let's never let our dogs on to the central green again even after the two weeks are up! It's completely clear of dog pooh now and it seems mean to use it when there's 500 acres out here! Anyway, there's just you, me and X who own dogs, so if we three all keep off then there won't be any dog pooh on it at all, will there, you naughty boys . . . ? ! Don't you agree?' they can end up meaningfully.
Q. How do I construct a letter of condo- lence to a cousin-in-law, whom I like very much, on the death of her husband? When we last met he made an insulting remark about my wife — entirely typical. I find it hard to be polite about him.
LA., St Albans A. There is no need for you to say that 'he was one of the great and the good'. Cele- brate instead your cousin-in-law's own mar- vellous qualities both as a wife and in gen- eral. Lavish affection and praise on her so that the overall tone of the letter is appro- priately eulogistic. Only on closer inspec- tion will it be clear that you have not been forced into a hypocritical posture.
Mary Killen
If you have a problem, write to Mary Killen, clo The Spectator, 56 Doughty Street, Lon- don, WC1N 2LL.
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