THE PEARLY SHADOW

By MURIEL SPARK A new short story

`I'LL TRACK him down,' said Mr Neviss. I'll be relentless.'

Dr Felicity Greyland offered him a caramel of which there was a bowl on her table (for the children?).

`Thanks. I'll do away with him,' said Mr Neviss, 'as soon as I get my hands on him.'

`Yes, Mr Neviss,' said Felicity, who was a resident psychiatrist at the nursing home. `We'll both do away with him, in fact. That's what we're here for. I see you're down as Mr 0. Neviss. What does "0" stand for?'

`I can't think of anyone I dislike more,' Mr Neviss said. break his —' 'Mr Neviss,' said Felicity. `Relax. Just relax.'

`0 stands for Olaf. It isn't easy to relax,' said the patient, 'with him standing there.' He pointed to a spot behind her chair.

Felicity leaned back. 'Please describe this pearly shadow, Olaf,' she said 'Simply tell me what you see, with the details. Call me Felicity — please do.' `Well,' he said, 'you can see for yourself. He's standing behind you.'

`What is he doing?' Felicity enquired.

`Just standing,' said Mr Neviss. 'He's always just standing, except when I try to get hold of him, and then — ' `Try,' said Felicity, `to relax. What exactly do you mean by a pearly shadow?'

`For goodness' sake, woman,' said the patient, 'look round and see for yourself.'

Indulgently, with a small smile, she looked round, and looked back very quickly at her patient. `That's the way — keep relaxed,' she said, helping herself to a sweet. 'Now, tell me, when did this pearly shadow business first start?'

Felicity gave Olaf an hour. Then she showed him out to the nurse, who con- veyed him to an attendant, to take him to his ward. Felicity lingered outside her con- sulting-room. She hesitated, then entered abruptly. Yes, the pearly shadow was still there.

She gave the matter a moment's thought before deciding to see the Chief about her- self. Overwork, clearly. As she reached fat the house phone, the nurse entered with the appointment book. 'Only one more patient today, doctor,' said the nurse pleas- antly.' Oh,' Felicity said, 'I thought Neviss W9 the last.' She looked at the book. 'P. Shad- ow,' she repeated. 'He must be a new patient; have we got his previous record? , `It's on your desk,' said the nurse. 'Will show him in?'

I'm here already,' said the

OW.

The nurse jumped. 'Oh, Mr Shadow,' she said, 'you should have waited in the wait- ing-room, you know.' pearly shad- 'Sit down, Mr Shadow,' said Felicity, as the nurse withdrew. She opened a drawer and took out a packet of cigarettes. `Cigarette?' `Thank you,' said the patient hoarsely, while Felicity glanced at his record. `I shouldn't really offer you cigaretteS,

she smiled. 'I see you've had lung trouble. And anaemia.'

'I'm very bloodless,' said the pearly shad- ow, 'and my voice has almost gone.

`But,' said the pearly shadow, as Felicity tried to distinguish his features, 'I've come here about my nerves, you know. There's something on my mind.'

This put Felicity finally at her ease. She applied herself calmly to the problem before her. The luminous vagueness of the patient's face became irrelevant. 'I see you're down as P. Shadow. What does "P" stand for?'

`Pearly, you can call me Pearly.'

`Just relax,' said Felicity. 'Pearly, relax.'

'It isn't easy to relax,' said the pearly shadow, 'when every hand is against you.

`Everyone is against me. You,' he contin- ued, 'are against me. You want to do away with me. You intend to exterminate me.'

`Relax, Mr Shadow,' said Felicity, who did not really believe in first-name relation- ships with patients. 'Now, tell me, what gives you this idea?'

`You told Neviss you'd both get rid of me. That's what you're here for, I heard,' said the pearly shadow. 'You're giving him sedatives, aren't you? You're going to work me out of his system, aren't you?'

Felicity kept her eye fixed on what looked like a pearl tie-pin at the level of his chest. 'I can't discuss another patient's treatment with you,' she explained. 'That would be unethical. One patient has noth- ing to do with another.'

`They gave him a drug last night,' the pearly shadow said, 'and I nearly died of it. If you give him anything stronger I shall probably fade away.

`You're trying to murder me,' the patient insisted. 'You and all the rest of them. I know.'

Felicity gave him an hour. Then she opened the door and let him out. She care- fully wrote her report on P. Shadow, and

took it to the nurse. It was her habit to exchange a friendly few words with the nurse, after the last patient had left. `Another day over, nurse,' she remarked. `It's been rather a bore. In fact,' she went on, 'we don't get any interesting eases these days. All quite cut to the pattern these days. Take those last two, for instance. Neviss — illusions of being haunted; per- fectly simple. Shadow — straightforward illusions of persecution. Now, if you'd been here last year, we had some really compli- cated . . Nurse! What's wrong with you?

'He walked right through me,' said the nurse, heaving, 'and he came out at the other side.'

`You've been overworking, nurse,' Felici- ty said. 'Take a sweet, a cigarette • • Here's some water. Now relax . . . just relax. He could not have walked right through you, but I think I know what you mean. He is a very insubstantial tYPe., Felicity regarded the prosperous shape 01 the nurse. 'Did you feel any sensation when he appeared to walk through you?' `Well, he's luminous, isn't he? Where's he gone?'

`Home, I imagine. He's an out-patient. I you're feeling better, nurse, I'm afraid I have to close the office. It's been a heavY day.' Felicity was still firmly decided to consult the Chief about herself and her confused delusion, but it was too late. Everyone had gone home.

Dr Felicity Greyland, as she left her office, regretted that she had not been able to remember the name of the nurse, and s° make her chatty interlude more personal. She rarely remembered the names of the people around her or of the people she met. Without referring to the cards, she did not remember many of her patients. She drove home, trying hard, for some reason,: to think of her last patient's name. She had no success, and when she put the car away she deliberately gave up. Her supper of mixed green salad, Roquefort cheese and fruit, with brown bread and butter, was laid out on the c,1: ing-room table. Felicity set about it with relish, reading the morning's newspaper' She could never read thepapers until the, evening. Now she also remembered that she had decided to see the Chief about het- self. About herself? Herself? Why? There be some mistake. She went into th sitting-room and turned on the television, tuning in to a quiz show, her favourite pro gramme. The subject was the Arnia„/; What age exactly was Philip of Spain 1H"`."..1 he embarked upon this enterprise? The Si student with black glossy hair and r.0.1°061; eyed glasses, who was already v011101 thousands of pounds, opened her moat confidently to answer. But just at 'if moment the television turned itself ot"e although the lights were still on. `1,,,,,,haey quiz programmes,' said a thin voice. t" get too much money.'that

Felicity looked round and saw patient of hers. The name?

`How did you get in here?' she said. `Through the door.' The front door was locked, but she sup- posed he meant that he always proceeded like a ghost through walls and doors. `If you want to consult me professional- ly,' Felicity said, 'you'll have to see me at my office in the clinic. This is my home, Mr—T `P. Shadow,' he said. `First name, Pearly. I prefer not to attend that clinic. I frighten the nurses.'

Felicity was used to strange patients, but she was thoroughly annoyed that her priva- cy had been violated. Quite sensibly, she didn't see the point of arguing with Shad- ow. Instead, she decided to ring a colleague to see if he would come round and help her to chuck out the unwanted patient. She Phoned a number while P. Shadow made himself comfortable in an armchair with the newspaper. There was no reply to the number Felici- ty rang. She paused a moment and started looking up another number in her address hook.

She came to the name she was looking for: Margaret Arkans, a gynaecologist mar- ried to James Arkans, another gynaecolo- gist. When she thought of them, sun-bronzed, young, with white teeth flash- ing as they laughed, she felt a fool.

The shadow sat on. He had put aside her Paper and, from what she could make out of his features, he looked more anxious than before. `Mr Shadow, what's troubling you?' she said.

gather you're looking for medical friends,' said the pearly shadow. 'They might advise you to take a sleeping pill or something.'

`Undoubtedly,' said Felicity, beginning to

see some way out of the situation. take a sleeping pill anyway.' ,It might kill me if you did that.'

Relax. Just relax. I'll only take a light One. But I do feel the need of something to make me sleep, quite honestly.'

In the bathroom Felicity took a white tablet from her medicine cupboard. She cleaned her teeth. Then she looked round the door of the sitting-room. Already, the Pearly shadow had gone. To be quite sure, she searched the rest of the house before

going to bed. Yes, the pill had worked. She slept well.

:Nurse, relax. Just relax.'

He's in the waiting-room,' said the nurse. It was 9.30 the next morning, the time when the psychiatrist's office opened. ,Any other patients?' said Felicity.

Three more. But they don't seem to notice him.' Felicity could quite believe this. Most psychiatric patients look weird, especially waiting for consultation.

. e might walk through me again,' wailed the nurse loudly. 'It makes me feel `Hush,' said the doctor. 'Someone might hear you.'

The office door was open. Someone had heard her. Dr Margaret Arkans put her head round the door. 'Anything wrong?'

`Nurse Simmons isn't very well,' said Felicity in a voice which suggested she had decided everything — on a course of action, everything, from now on.

`I've had a terrible experience,' Nurse Simmons said. 'Last night; and now it's going to happen again this morning.'

Margaret and Felicity were extremely solicitous. Felicity herself gave the nurse an injection to make her relax, and took her to the staff rest-room to lie down.

`Overwork.' The two doctors looked at each other and shook their heads knowing- ly. They were both long since convinced that everyone in their department was overworked, including themselves.

On her way back to her office Felicity looked in on the waiting-room. The pearly shadow was not there.

Felicity recommended that Nurse Sim- mons should have a month's rest, with a course of sedatives. Nurse Simmons lived with a large family who were extremely alarmed when she felt a 'presence' in the room every time she forgot to take her pills. She screamed a great deal. 'She still has her delusions,' said her sister on the phone.

One night Pearly Shadow visited Felicity again.

`Are you hoping to kill me with all these sedatives you're giving her?'

`Yes,' said Felicity.

`She might take an overdose.'

`Almost certainly she will,' Felicity said. `But that would kill me.'

`I know,' she said. 'If you don't leave us alone you'll be finished soon.'

`But I'm your patient.'

`You won't feel a thing,' said the doctor. `Not a thing.'

The pearly shadow looked terribly fright- ened.

`Your only hope,' said Felicity, as she switched the television from station to sta- tion, 'is to leave us alone and go elsewhere for treatment.'

Nurse Simmons improved. Neither she nor Dr Felicity Greyland saw Pearly Shad- ow again, but a few years later they heard of a psychiatrist in the north who had died of an overdose of barbiturates which had curiously made his skin translucent and pearly.

'Capitalist running dog.'