LETTERS A serious matter
Sir: People often use the expression 'a storm in a teacup' when referring to some event which they believe has been blown up out of all proportion. In other words, they are trying to imply that it is of no significance. This is a big error, however, because an actual storm in a teacup could have potentially lethal conse- quences.
For a start, the low-pressure area directly above the surface of the tea could create a vortex which might suck the unwary drinker into the boiling liquid, thus simultaneously scorching and drowning him. Furthermore, lightning activity in the environs of the cup could electrocute both the drinker and those nearby. And while the electrical charge might not be that great, it could prove fatal to anyone with a pacemaker. Additionally, any torrential rain which fell into the tea as a result of the storm would serve to weaken it, so spoiling the tea- drinker's enjoyment. Although this might not be important with, say, PG Tips or Typhoo, anyone drinking an expensive Assam blend might get so irritated by the adulteration that he'd be liable to assault and kill whoever brewed the stuff. Since tea is our most popular drink, the level of domestic murders would increase horrendously.
In my opinion, therefore, all teacups should come equipped with wind-socks and barometers linked to a series of flags. Under normal circumstances, a green flag would fly from the cup's handle indicating that it was safe to drink the tea. However, if barometric pressure within the cup were to reduce dangerously, this would automati- cally cause the green flag to be lowered and a red one to be raised in its place. This would alert the budding tea-drinker to the potential hazards. In fact to be on the safe side, all tea-bags should come with a free Australian lifeguard to rescue the drinker from the cup in the event of a worst-case scenario.
I wish people would think before they came out with irresponsible expressions. Henceforth we should only describe an event as being a storm in a teacup if it's a very serious matter.
Michael J. Hewitt.
Flat 18, 5 Park Hill, Carshalton Beeches, Surrey
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