PORTRAIT OF THE YEAR
JANUARY. Miss Dawn Primarolo was made Paymaster General in place of Lord Robinson, who had lent £373,000 to the departed Mr Peter Mandelson. The euro was adopted by the European Union, excepting Britain. President Bill Clinton of the United States proved not to be the father of a prostitute's black baby. The Pope visited him for 45 minutes. President Boris Yeltsin of Russia went to hospital with a bleeding stomach ulcer. The Queen Moth- er's nose was cauterised. An avalanche killed six people and 22 yaks at Singboche, near Kathmandu.
FEBRUARY. The Senate voted Mr Clinton not guilty on two counts on which he had been impeached. The Macpherson report on the murder of Stephen Lawrence included by mistake addresses of witnesses, and copies were delivered to the alleged murderers. Mr Glen Hoddle, the England football coach, said, 'You and I have been physically given two hands and two legs and half-decent brains. Some people have not been born like that for a reason. The karma is working from another lifetime.' Dame Iris Murdoch died, aged 79. King Hussein of Jordan died, aged 63. Zai Zai, a captive panda, died, aged 28.
MARCH. The North Atlantic Treaty Organisation bombed Yugoslavia. The United States kept bombing Iraq. All 20 European Commissioners resigned. The Prince of Wales ate beef on the bone, the sale of which was still illegal; he then visited the Falldand Islands. Lady Thatcher had tea with General Augusto Pinochet, detained in Surrey. Dusty Springfield died, aged 59. Ernie Wise died, aged 73. Lord Denning died, aged 100. Ta Mok, the one- legged Khmer Rouge leader, was captured.
APRIL. Thousands fled murderous Serbs in Kosovo; Nato kept bombing Yugoslavia. Nail-bombs went off in Brixton, Brick Lane and Soho. Jill Dando, a television presen- ter, was shot dead in Fulham. Two pupils at Columbine High School, Denver, Col- orado, shot dead 15 schoolmates. Lionel Bart died, aged 68.
MAY. Nato kept bombing Yugoslavia. Mr Donald Dewar became First Minister of Scotland. The Conservatives made gains in local elections; the Official Monster Raving Loony party won a seat on the Isle of Shep- pey. Alf Ramsey died, aged 79. In Mexico 10,000 cattle died in a drought.
JUNE. Nato kept bombing Yugoslavia. Yugoslavia withdrew from Kosovo, into which mainly British Nato troops moved. The euro sank to 10 per cent below its ini- tial value against the pound. The British turnout out for European elections was only 23 per cent. The Prince of Wales questioned genetically modified crops. Prince Edward was made Earl of Wessex on the morning of his wedding. Jonathan Aitken was jailed for 18 months for perjury. Cardinal Hume died, aged 76. In Minsk 54 died trying to crowd in a rush to shelter from the rain.
JULY. About 100,000 Serbs fled Kosovo. The government sold cheap 25 tons of gold. Lord Whitelaw died, aged 81. Joshua Nkomo died, aged 82. Joaquin Rodrigo died, aged 97. Dou Dou, the world's oldest panda, died, aged 37.
AUGUST. President Yeltsin appointed his fourth prime minister in 18 months, Mr Vladimir Putin, who then bombed Dages- tan and Chechnya. Mr Jack Straw, the Home Secretary, criticised 'so-called trav- ellers' for 'defecating in the doorways of firms'. Jennifer Paterson died, aged 71. The sun was eclipsed in Cornwall. An earth- quake killed thousands in Turkey. Bai Yun became the first panda in the Western hemisphere to give birth since 1990. SEPTEMBER. Russia kept bombing Grozny. Mr Blair blamed 'the forces of conservatism' for murdering Martin Luther King. Mr Michael Portillo admitted to hav- ing had 'homosexual experiences'. Militias backed by Indonesian army officers drove thousands out of towns in East Timor, which had voted for independence. Alan Clark died, aged 71. Two women were found dead a day after being struck by lightning in Hyde Park.
OCTOBER. Russia kept bombing Grozny; thousands fled to Ingushetia. Presi- dent Yeltsin went to hospital with flu. Zim- babwe was found to have spent £100 million on war in the Congo. Mr Peter Mandelson was made Secretary of State for Northern Ireland. Lord Archer became the Conserva- tive candidate for Mayor of London. Two trains crashed near Paddington. There was a coup in Pakistan. All but 92 hereditary peers were forbidden to sit and vote. The High Court declared the Earl of Lucan dead.
NOVEMBER. Russia kept bombing Grozny. Lord Archer withdrew as a candi- date for Mayor of London after admitting inciting a friend to lie in a libel suit. A cyclone killed thousands in Orissa, India. The French defied the EU and refused to import British beef. Gaston Berlemont, the former landlord of the French Pub, died, aged 85. Quentin Crisp died, aged 90. Mrs Cherie Blair said she was with child. An old woman starved to death in Dulwich.
DECEMBER. Russia kept bombing Grozny, then sent in troops. A Northern Ireland executive sat after negotiations last- ing all year. Joseph Heller, the author of Catch-22, died, aged 76. Beef on the bone was decriminalised in Britain; France still repudiated it. Sixteen cows were killed by a train in Herefordshire.
CSH
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