SPECTATOR CHRISTMAS QUIZ Set by Christopher Howse

Plain English

Match the words to the definitions: 1 Reredorter 2 Deasil 3 Hyleg 4 Yuke 5 Aberdevine 6 Meconium 7 Accloy 8 Pram 9 Rounceval 10 Caruncle • a The first faeces of a new-born child b Strophiole c Clockwise d To lame with a horse-shoe nail e A Dutch lighter f A monastic privy g The itch h A pea i The ruling planet at the hour of birth j A siskin Loss. . .

This year: 1 Who resigned as Employment Secretary in January `to spend more time with his family'? 2 Who resigned from the Cabinet in March `to spend more time with his young family'? 3 Which racing driver announced his retirement, saying, 'I'm looking forward to putting my family first'? 4 Who announced his resignation at the age of 69, saying he wanted to `sell off the furniture I need to live in two large houses. I want to unclutter my life'? 5 To which country did Bovril and Marmite go? 6 Who was beaten into third place at the mother's race at Wetherby school?

7 Which Stupenda bowed out? 8 Who said of the wife whom he was leaving for another, 'My admira- tion for her as an artist remains undimmed'? 9 Which bubbly was withdrawn after a benzene scare? 10 Which king abdicated for a day?

. . . and gain

This year: 1 Who gained a daughter but lost a prime ministership? 2 In whose children's books did Gremlins oust Golliwogs? 3 Who regained liberty after being found innocent of shooting Frank Warren?

4 Which organisation, founded to give boys the 'opportunity to de- velop their God-given talents' admitted girls?

5 Which member of the royal family had her second daughter by Caesa- rian section?

6 Which Asian king lifted a 30-year- old ban on political parties?

7 What did Richard Hadlee, Peter Ustinov and Jimmy Savile all gain in June?

8 Who gained her freedom after being sentenced to 15 years in prison in Iraq for 'spying'?

9 Which magazine had to pay £90,000 damages to a woman for calling her an 'international boot'?

10 Who won £110,000 with a break of 98?

Play up . .

Frank Keating asks: 1 Who said of whom: a 'You're bonkers, Bobby!'

b 'I pity the neighbours on her wedding night.'

c 'I'm grateful to him: at last peo- ple are going to start spelling my name right.'

2 Which teams are: a FA Cup holders, 11

C

1 2 b county cricket champions, c rugby union Grand Slammers. Who sported the T-shirt at Worces- ter during the summer bearing the legend, 'Form is Temporary, Class is Permanent'?

Name the horse which won:, a the 1990 Derby, b the Cheltenham Gold Cup, c the Grand National. Who is: a Minister of Sport, b Prospective Conservative candi- date for Falmouth and Cam- bourne, c the MP who is a passionate supporter of Surrey CC and Chelsea FC Gooch's 333 at Lord's, sure; but why is 555 the enduring figure in English cricket?

Who said: a `If we were playing better, I daresay we'd be more successful.'

b 'Why should we worry; Nelson Mandela can't bowl, can he?'

c 'Hello, it's God here, who's that?'

If Sir Richard Hadlee leads the all-time Test wicket list, who is currently runner-up?

Which English League soccer team went up to the First, down to the Third, and returned to the Second, without kicking a ball?

In the boxing ring in 1990, Jimmy Thunder may have KO'd Lee Lightning, but which British-based heavyweight had victories against Captain Marvel, Ringo Starr, Mary Konate, Bonyongo Destroyer and Juke Box Timebomb?

Do you know the name of any current British tennis player?

andle . . .

When is Candlemas Day? Who, according to Elton John seemed to live her life like a candle in the wind?

3 Who wrote the trilogy Lark Rise to Candleford?

4 In The Hunting of the Snark, whose `intimate friends called him "Candle-ends" / And his enemies, "Toasted Cheese" '?

5 Whose dog, Diamond, upset a candle on his desk, destroying the records of many years' experi- ments? 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

SPECTATOR CHRISTMAS QUIZ

6 Which inventor of shorthand wrote:

Some say, that Signor Bononcini, Compared to Handel's a mere ninny; Others aver, to him, that Handel Is scarcely fit to hold a candle.

Strange! that such dispute shou'd be 'Twixt Tweedledum and Tweedledee.

7 What is the luminous intensity, in candelas, of a black body radiator of one square centimetre at the temperature of the solidification of platinum?

8 in the phrase meaning 'keep mum', what is said to be the Latin for a candle?

9 Whose worldy goods, on the coast of Coromandel, were 'Two old chairs, and half a candle, / One old jug without a handle'?

10 Who said of the influence of Tho- mas Sheridan upon the English language, 'Sir, it is burning a farth- ing candle at Dover to shew light at Calais'?

. . . sticks 1 From where in Dickens (who else?) does this come from: It was a turkey! He could never have stood upon his legs, that bird. He would have snapped 'em off short in a minute, like sticks of sealing-wax.

2 Who said, at the Minnesota State Fair, 'Speak softly and carry a big stick'?

3 What is a sticcado?

4 Where did Elijah find a widow picking up two sticks?

5 To what genus do stick insects belong?

6 Where in Essex, according to Ian Dury, did Dicky, who invited Joyce and Vicky to say if candy- floss is sticky, come from?

7 What could you all be if you 'Stick close to your desks and never go to sea'?

8 Who wrote:

Our father Adam sat under the Tree and scratched with a stick in the mould; And the first rude sketch that the world had seen was a joy to his mighty heart.

Till the Devil whispered behind the leaves, 'It's pretty, but is it Art?'

9 Of whom did Tom Paine say that `as he rose like a rocket, he fell like the stick'?

10 Who is the presenter of Sticky Moments?

Figures

This year: 1 At which address was the bill for window-cleaning £3,000 and the telephone bill £223,000? 2 Which chief executive enjoyed a salary rise to £1,317,257?

3 What was the hottest temperature in Britain on: 23 February, 1 May, 20 July, 3 August?

4 Which member of the royal family `waived' damages of £30,000 after having been called 'an upper-class lager lout'?

5 Which Van Gogh went for £50 million in May?

6 And which Renoir for £46.5 mil- lion?

7 Where did 1,426 die as the 'in- escapable will of God', in the words of King Fand?

8 Who paid £8.5 million for the Badminton Cabinet?

9 Which telephone directory had an extra 5,000 copies printed because its cover was designed by David Hockney?

10 Which newspaper was awarded 60p damages in an action against Peregrine Worsthorne for libel?

Most foul

1 Who was acquired of murder after stabbing a man with a penknife, when Burke, Garrick and Johnson testified on his behalf?

2 For what was the septuagenerian Mr Purcell of Co Cork knighted in 1811?

3 Which nephew of St Charles Bor- romeo wrote madrigals and in 1590 `not without provocation' (in the words of Percy Scholes) murdered his wife?

4 What culprit was found for the Murders in the rue Morgue?

5 What melodramatic play was made of the murder of Maria Marten, reported by The Spectator in 1828.

6 What is the other title of the Mousetrap play in Hamlet?

7 Which opium eater wrote On Mur- der Considered as One of the Fine Arts?

8 Who killed Charles Lamb's mother?

9 In the `Murderers"Bible, Jude xvi reads 'These are murderers, com- plainers'. What should it have said?

Answers — page 91

Christmas Quiz: the answers

Plain English 1 and f; 2 and c; 3 and i; 4 and

g; 5 and j; 6 and a; 7 and d; 8 and e; 9 and h; 10 and b.

Loss , . . 1 Mr Norman Fowler; 2 Mr Peter Walker; 3 Mr Nigel Mansell; 4 Dr Robert Runcie; 5 The United States (bought by CPC International); 6 The Princess of Wales;. 7 Dame Joan Sutherland; 8 Mr Andrew Lloyd Webber; 9 Perrier water; 10 King Baudouin of the Belgians to avoid approving abortion legislation. . . and gain 1 Benazir Bhutto; 2 Enid Blyton's Noddy books; 3 Mr Terry Marsh; 4 The Scouts; 5 The Duchess of York; 6 King Birendra of Nepal; 7 Knighthoods; 8 Daphne Parish; 9 Taller; 10 Stephen Hen- dry.

Play up . . 1 a The Sun, of Bobby Robson, b Peter Ustinov of Monica Seles, the grunting tennis prodigy, c Bamber of Paul Gascoigne; 2 a Manchester United, b Middlesex, c Scotland; 3 Ian Botham; 4 a Quest for Fame, b Norton's Coin, c Mr Frisk; 5 a Robert Atkins, Sebastian Coe, c John Major; 6 Record opening part- nership, Holmes and Sutcliffe, Yorkshire v Essex, Leyton, 1932; 7 a Mickey Stewart, England cricket manager; b Bill Athey, on the 'rebel' cricket tour to South Africa; c Geoffrey Boycott, ringing the Sun sport- sdesk to check his column; 8 Kapil Dev; 9 Swindon Town; 10 Proud Kilimanjaro; 11 Join the club.

Candle . . . 1 2 February; 2 Marilyn Monroe; 3 Flora Thompson; 4 The Baker; 5 Sir Isaac Newton; 6 John Byrom; 7 Sixty; 8 Tace; 9 The Yonghy-Bonghy-Bo; 10 Dr Johnson (28 July, 1763).

. . . sticks 1 A Christmas Carol; 2 Theo- dore Roosevelt; 3 A kind of xylophone; 4 Zarephath (or Sarepta) in I Kings xvii 12; 5 Phasma; 6 Billericay; 7 Rulers of the Queen's Navee (Pinafore); 8 Kipling (The Conundrum of the Workshops'); 9 Burke; 10 Julian Clary.

Figures 1 No 10 Downing Street; 2 Mr Tiny Rowland of Lonrho; 3 65F at Heathrow, 81F at Lossiemouth, 91F at Barbourne near Worcester, 98.8F at Cheltenham; 4 Viscount Linley; 5 `Dr Gachet'; 6 'Au Moulin de la Galette'; 7 In a subway at Mecca; 8 Mrs Barbara Seward Johnson; 9 Bradford; 10 The Sunday Times. Most foul I Joseph Baretti; 2 Killing three burglars with a carving knife; 3 Carlo Gesualdi; 4 An orang-outang; 5 The Red Barn; 6 The Murder of Gonzago; 7 De Quincey; 8 His sister, Mary; 9 Murmurers