22 MAY 2004, Page 39

Stop, Thief!

'You swine, you bastard, upstart, shit and fake, A seedy conman, always on the make.'

Will that be all?' I asked. 'No, silly fart, A thief as well, because you stole my heart.'

'2000'

Usher the new millennium in With fanfares, fireworks and champagne.

An infant with an idiot grin Replaces one who died insane.

Alexander Shivarg