PORTRAIT OF 2006 JANUARY In Iraq Sunni insurgents targeted the
politically dominant Shiites; Iranians were accused of supporting Shiite militants. Austria, taking up the EU presidency, accused Britain of being the ‘Sick Man of Europe’. Labour floundered over its Education Bill.
FEBRUARY Dr Rowan Williams announced his retirement to a monastery in Anatolia after the greater part of the Anglican Communion, led by Nigeria, broke away from Canterbury over the consecration of a lesbian bishop in Canada. Sir David Frost was prosecuted under anti-terrorist legislation for his involvement with the new al-Jazeera international television channel.
MARCH Israeli forces made retaliatory air strikes on Gaza following a wave of suicide bombings during the elections that brought Mr Ariel Sharon to power at the head of a coalition dominated by his Kadima (‘Forward’) party. England looked set to win the Test series in India until the bombings in Bombay, during the second Test at Nagpur, prompted the squad to return home due to ‘outstanding issues around health and safety’.
APRIL Mr Tony Blair, the Prime Minister, was kept in hospital for ‘tests’. Mr John Prescott said, ‘The Prime Minister remains in administration. As long as and until when, I will continue to be in charge.’ House prices fell sharply. The prison where Saddam Hussein was being held was destroyed by rocket fire on the eve of his execution. MAY Londoners congratulated themselves on showing a ‘Spirit of the Blitz’ when the whole Underground system was closed on health and safety grounds after structural faults were discovered on the Northern Line.
JUNE Turkish forces occupied the Greek island of Samos after Greece’s victory in the Eurovision Song Contest with ‘Ne, Ne, Ne’. Madonna was crushed by a camel during a photoshoot for her new album Tantric Kabala.
JULY Farmers blocked motorways with cows in protest at draconian measures threatened by Finland, during its presidency of the EU, to eradicate bovine tuberculosis. The Kelvingrove Gallery and Museum in Glasgow was destroyed by fire.
AUGUST Mr Blair, convalescing in Barbados, advised the Queen to send for Mr David Cameron to lead a coalition government. Mr Gordon Brown began complicated legal moves, involving the Privy Council and the judicial committee of the House of Lords, to give legitimacy to his claim to be Prime Minister. Oak trees in southern England were swept by a fatal virus.
SEPTEMBER Seven were shot dead by police wearing balaclavas at the Labour conference in Manchester when the conference hall was blacked out during Mr Gordon Brown’s speech claiming his right to continue as Prime Minister without a general election. Miss Britney Spears married Mr Graham Norton at the Venetian Resort Casino, Las Vegas.
OCTOBER President George Bush backed the Chinese occupation of North Korea which it said was intended to resolve the nuclear crisis. The Queen’s riding accident in Windsor Great Park further complicated the constitutional wrangle over the legitimacy of Mr Brown’s emergency government. Seven cases of humans contracting avian influenza were confirmed in east London, all among the Chinese community; five died.
NOVEMBER Hundreds of cases of human variant avian influenza were reported in London, Birmingham, Liverpool, Newcastle and, for some reason, Prestatyn. Government spokesmen denied that steps to provide a vaccine were taken too late. Mr Cameron was arrested under anti-terrorist legislation after calling for demonstrations at Mr Brown’s refusal to call an election, despite the continued suspension of Parliament.
DECEMBER Flu riots left at least 63 dead in London, and dozens of chemist shops and A&E departments burned out in Birmingham, Bristol, Liverpool and Newcastle. Estimates of deaths from the bird flu itself rose to 43,000, but the chief government adviser warned that the ‘tipping point’ could come in the New Year. Mr Silvio Berlusconi resigned after demonstrations against the ending of analogue television signals. The Queen, in her Christmas message, denied that she would abdicate. CSH
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