31 DECEMBER 2005, Page 47

smoking and drinking which I have listened to innocently enough,

but of late he has asked me if I wish to indulge in such activities. I consented to drinking as a common courtesy, but now the matter of smoking has arisen. I have never smoked before and am at a loss about what to do. I am fearful that I shall be made jest of on account of my ignorance. Therefore, Mary, I am not sure whether to accept the offer, and ask how to smoke, or to decline by saying, ‘Not just now, thank you.’ Q., address withheld A. Nicotine addiction is primarily bred out of peer pressure. One could get away scot-free by simply never tasting a cigarette when young and insecure. Use your insecurity as your weapon. ‘Strong people usually give up cigarettes after a bit,’ you can accurately report. ‘And then they stuff in more food to compensate.’ Glancing down at this boy’s stomach and pulling the facial expression known as a ‘moue’, you can explain that while you would love to bond with him over the fags, you can’t risk becoming fat.

If you have a problem, write to Dear Mary, c/o The Spectator, 56 Doughty Street, London WC1N 2LL.