High life
Identity crisis
Taki
ast week I promised you a world exclusive about Hillary Clinton and how she has a double life posing as a male writ- er for the Big Bagel Times. Well, I didn't Manage it. After months of tracking down ,leads, I was convinced that Hillary the hitch and Fat Frank Rich are one and the same. I am still certain of it, but I cannot prove it. They both wear suits, both are Puffy and big-assed, both see right-wing Conspiracies everywhere, both love homos and lesbians, both are basically anti-Chris- t!an, both live in Noo Yawk and are looka- l ,ikes, but similarities are not enough when One needs proof in a court of law. Does anyone care if Clinton is sleeping With someone whose real identity could be Prank Rich? Personally, I don't think so. 1)03es anyone care if the person now run- ning for office as Hillary Clinton is writing an hysterical column against Christians every other week in a Times magazine thi under the name of Rich? Again, I don't nk so. New York politicians are as Phoney as Tony, as are New York Times People, so what's the big deal? , And speaking of deals, I went to Paris !,aSt weekend and lunched with Anne de btael and picked up the greatest work ever 1°Y her father. Nicolas de Stael reached the zenith of his work when he finished his Metaphysical masterpiece 'Marine, Antibes'. Now this great work is in the poor little Greek boy's hands, and after a tour of museums it's going straight into Palazzo kloochet, in Rougemont. I have always `wed de Stael, ever since I first saw his work 40 years ago, one of tremendous energy that had lots of yellows and belonged to a friend of mine. Now I've finally got one — and it's by far the best of his paintings and believe it or not I didn't even ask for the price until I had secured it. A de Stael is like a woman. If you're really hot for her, - you don't bargain.
Paris, needless to say, was too much. I stayed drunk throughout, going from all- nighters to wonderful Left Bank lunches, and on to even better Left Bank dinners. I ran into my old buddy Peter Paine, an Anglo-Greek who everyone thinks is French but in reality is F. Scott Fitzgerald. At least he looks like Scott, even more than Hillary looks like Rich. Peter had a great war record fighting with the Brits and the Greeks, but never talks about it. Although 80 years of age, all he thinks about is pussy, so we had the most marvellous dinner talk- ing about my two favourite subjects: the fairer sex and the German army of the sec- ond world war. Von Manstein, von Rundst- edt, von Kleist, von Kluge, Guderian, von Manteuffel, Rommel, Kesselring (who ran circles around the Anglo-Americans in Italy with one tenth of the troops and material). They sure don't make them like that anymore, at least outside Chile.
And, while I'm on the subject, Janet Reno is threatening to indict General Pinochet for Orlando Letelier's unfortu- nate encounter with a car bomb on Embassy Row in Washington in 1976. Pinochet did not order Letelier dead and Reno can only come up with phoney proof — far less likely to stand up than mine about Rich and the Bitch. (A rogue spook did it.) In the meantime, Letelier was asking for the violent overthrow of the Pinochet regime — and to hell with any innocents dying. That is the way of the Left and peo- ple like Letelier. When the Right gives them a little of their own medicine, they howl. Reno should have been indicted long ago for the murder of innocent men, women and children at Waco, as well as for covering up Clinton's crimes. In fact, I can think of no greater honour and proof of integrity than to be indicted by the Reno Justice Department clowns.
And it gets better. The State Depart- ment, presided over by Madeleine Albright, is calling the Peruvian election illegitimate and Alberto Fujimori a threat to regional democracy. But who the hell is Albright to call anyone anything but 'Sir'.
She made sure a war would take place against Serbia, and she legitimised Albani- an drug dealers, which in my not so humble opinion is a much bigger threat to democ- racy than a little tinkering with ballots in Peru. Ever since Clinton came to power America has sided not only with the wrong side, but always with the bad guys. One clay we will pay for Clinton's ignorance and arrogance, but in the meantime I shall be enjoying myself in London and will tell you all about it next week.
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