High life
Honest living
Taki
New York
As if New York accents, rude Puerto Rican waiters, brutish black taxi drivers, and third-rate television programmes were not enough, my stay in the Big Apple has been further spoiled by the fact that Jackie KO is once again hogging the headlines. Mrs Onassis, who is well known for her ability to raise funds for liberal causes — including herself — has been waging a legal crusade against paparazzo Ron Galena ever since he snapped her coming out of a soft-porn film back in 1970. Although she managed to convince a judge that what GaleIla was doing constituted harassment, she now, not very surprisingly, wants more. Her latest affidavit wants him to stop 'grinning' and 'grunting' at her, and knowing the way liberal judges in New York kow-tow to the widow, I am convinced that Galella's days as number one paparazzo are just about over. You see, the trouble with GaleIla is that grunts and grins are what constitute speech for him. He is, after all, born and bred in New York, and in comparison with most black college graduates making millions as professional athletes, more articulate than most.
I telephoned GaleIla when I read that Jackie was trying to put him in jail, and in the time-honoured tradition of all paparazzi he had the following original remark ready for me: 'I'm only trying to make an honest livin'.' His honest living, needless to say, can be quite annoying unless, of course, one is a politician, a film star, or a celebrity. And Jackie KO, as everyone knows, is an even greater celebrity than Yoko Ono. Although I have already written about how Jackie pretends to abhor publicity and the accoutrements of fame — but in fact craves them the way a junkie hankers after his fix — it is worth repeating because the high priestess of prosperous widowhood is seeking coercive fines and imprisonment. GaleIla has not been close to Jackie ever since a court ordered him to stay at least 25 feet away at all times. Now the poor man isn't even allowed to make any noises, or whatever he does when he tries to speak. For once I am not exaggerating; Onassis has actually demanded that GaleIla stop grinning. Will GaleIla ever smile again?
Jackie always picks the right causes. At the moment she is trying to stop a church, St Bartholomew's, from selling its air rights. Let me explain. Air rights are concerned with the spaces above edifices. As certain buildings have been certified as listed, and cannot be torn down by the greedy, a new way has been found to skirt the law. If, say, you own a listed building, which you may not replace with a glass matchbox, you build the glass matchbox above it instead. Modern technology now makes it possible to build an 80-storey skyscraper above a two-floor Georgian house. Just think of the money there is to be made in London, or Rome, even the Vatican. But back to Jackie and air rights. Everyone of course agrees and applauds Jackie whenever she pleads with authorities to step in and prevent the venal church from selling its space to some filthy capitalist. The trouble is, however, that the church wants to sell the air rights of the very large courtyard, not those of the church. And the reason — a good one as far as I am concerned — is to raise money to help the poor and destitute who apparently sleep in New York alfresco.
Why, then, are the chic and trendy against the church selling its air rights? Being Greek, I am very suspicious. And the fact that Jackie and her family sold one of the most beautiful farms on Rhode Island to real estate developers does not help allay my suspicions. Although I assume the church has divine guidance in its fight with Jackie, Galella has taken the precaution of hiring Marvin Mitchelson, of palimony fame — which is a bit like hiring one to catch one. When I rang Marvellous Marvin, he made sure that I understood just how much he respected Jackie. He needn't have bothered. I knew it beforehand. After all, they're both in the same business, except she is more successful.
Previous page
