GOOD BROTHER LONDINIENSIS,
Your trusty pigeon did lighten upon my table, vox coelo, whilst I was a-breakfasting, and delivered itself safely of your letter, which in my appetite did speedily displace the saussages. And yet, good brother, there is one passage at which I must beg leave to stumble; wherein you seem to reproach my laggard neglect, so ill resented by our worthy brother of Oxon., of my correspondence with both you and him; in which rebuke there would be too much of justice, were not there sound reasons for my silence; of
which I shall now appraise you.
You cannot be ignorant, first, of the great hazards attending the writer of news- letters in these distracted times. Witness the sore afflictions of our worthy brother of Oxon., whose private letters to you have been constantly intercepted and published by the hawk-eyed editors of the SPECTATOR, a fascisticall gazette; which letters have oft contained severe reflexions upon his fel- lows at Oxon. These reflexions, being un- happily exposed before the world, have called forth vile slanders upon our brother in the press, readily credited not only by the giddy multitude but by persons of emi- nencie; so powerfull is the itch of rumour, and so eager are the middling, and even the Top sort of people to imbibe whatever fanciful potions the Timesmen will brew for them. From which the sad consequence is, that our poor brother is daily railed upon by the canting party of that place, Levellers, Wykehamists, &c.; abused as a chemarim, a locust, and a corrupter of youth and morals; and even his loyalty to the good old cause and his constancy at the Throne of Grace exceedingly reflected -on.
Such hazards, though born so bravely by our brother, I am unwilling lightly to under- take; and I will tell you now of a second reason for my silence. For you must know that the publique printing of our brother's letters has summoned forth a host of base scribblers, who, being rightly envious of our brother's exquisite style, have imper-
tinently attempted to imitate it. There is one such knave within our antient Univer- sity, who, having bouldly usurped my title. has writ witless letters to all manner of scurvy gazettes (not least the SPECTATOR): wherein he foolishly let slip some marks of his identity, which I am pursuing hot-foot. My suspicions lighten most upon a cabal of historians of Christ's Coll., and in especial upon that mighty Emperour, Master Jack Plumb, the second of that celebrated dynasty established by conquest after my lord Snow's invasion from Leicester, whence Master Plumb is also proud to hail; he being famed (as well as for his delicat chilled red bur- gundies, of which even my lord Adrian, Master Chancellor, has tasted) for his mani- fold scribblings in the gazettes. Under Master Plumb the Empire has risen to new and dizzy heights, so that 'tis said (with what justice I know not) that there is scarce a committee in the University which is not swayed by his lackies, they casting their yeas and their nays at the snap of his finger; good sheep all, baaing to his tune. But of this Colossus I shall tell you more in my next. Some have named two of his disciples as usurpers of my title, viz. Master Skinner (the gilded Hobbist) and Master Schama (dis- coverer of the Cambridge Mind, unknown to any before him); upon which my conceit is, that while 'tis possible they conceived the impertinence. 'twas Master Plumb who com- mitted it. This Skinner is the same who, with others of a pink complexion, did in- tercede for the martyr Dutschke; for here as at Oxon. we have our Party of Liberty. Others also have lain under suspicion, as, three Fellows of - Pembroke Coll., viz, a rotound oeconomist, a fresh-faced historian, or. as I think more likely, a splenetique philosopher, lately departed from that place. in high dialer. You may be sure that my beagles are even now hot upon the scent.
Our brother observes truly that this Uni- versity, once of such high repute, is now unhappily the centre of our present troubles; and herein lies a third cause of my silence; for he who would take up his pen to write of our present afflictions (de meloriis de pHs, as our brother would say) would do better to dip it in tears than in ink. Yet who knows but that the air of spring, already with us. may bring some long-sought lightening of our sorrows. Should it prove so, then rest assured that you will at once hear all from Your loving brother MERCURIUS CANTAHRIGIENSIS
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