6 MAY 2006, Page 44

Q. I belong to a modest lawn tennis club with

grass courts and a few hard courts. Now that the season has come round again people are starting to say to me, ‘We must play tennis’ and I am aware that one of the reasons I am in demand as a partner is because they want to spare themselves the horror of a municipal court. Daily guest fees on top of the annual membership fee amount to a not inconsiderable sum. How do I tactfully make it clear that I would not be averse to guests offering to pay their own guest fees?

Name and address withheld A. Next time one of your partners compliments you at the end of a match say, ‘I enjoyed it too.’ Then twirl your head round as though you have just had a brilliant idea — ‘Why don’t you join the club yourself? Then you wouldn’t have to keep paying guest fees on top of your membership?’ ‘But ... I don’t pay guest fees,’ they will falter. Wear a daft expression on your face as you tut, ‘Oh no, of course you don’t! I pay them! How silly of me.’ You will soon see them put their hands in their pockets.