How to win
Taki
Trust Tony Blair to call an election the day after The Spectator goes to press: 5 May is a lousy day for conservatives the world over. Karl Marx was born 5 May 1818 in Trier, the Rhineland. The only good thing about the date took place in 1816, when ‘O Solitude’, John Keats’s first published poem, appeared in the Examiner. Mind you, bad day or not, I’m rooting for only two men, the sainted editor and Michael Gove. Both will be elected, and that’s my final word.
Michael Howard I will not feel sorry for. Although I know nothing about business, I used to use a sports metaphor when my father asked me why my brother always got it wrong in shipping. If you’re afraid to lose, you can’t win. I learned this in karate. If one is too cautious during an attack, you will be countered — and badly. One either waits to counterpunch, or one attacks all out. Anything in between is a sure loser.
This obviously applies to Michael Howard. As a lawyer he learnt early to play it safe. Playing it safe when behind is as dumb a move as gambling when way ahead. What was Howard thinking when in recent days he talked about increasing spending — and at a World Poverty event, to boot. He asked for £700 million extra foreign aid so some African dictator can send it to a Swiss bank pronto. Maybe someone slipped some LSD in his drink. Here are English middle-class and midincome voters trying to make ends meet while working their arse off, and Howard wants to spend more money on foreign aid. Anyway, I thought most foreigners were living in England, and the only ones who stayed behind were the dictators.
No, Blair called the election on 5 May in order to embarrass our Führer Boris, and to brown-nose old Labourites who still believe in the bad Marx, the good one being my great uncle by marriage, Groucho. Blair seized the political centre long ago, setting the Tories adrift, a very smart move for a professional liar like Tony. Actually, he’s been doing a Clinton all along, telling lies even when the truth is to his advantage. This is also good for poker. One bluffs badly in order to establish the fact that one’s reckless. If and when the good hand crops up, bingo. Having said that, I have never come out a winner at the Aspinall poker game on Wednesdays, and have never once won a hand against Zac Goldsmith. Still, I’m very good on theory where poker, karate, tennis, women and politics are concerned. So here’s my advice to Michael Howard for the next life. If in your next reincarnation you’re still a lawyer and leader of a political party, make sure to lay out an agenda that offers a sharp contrast to that of your opponents. Actually, it is very simple. You must be different because you will not win on looks and personality alone.
But enough about politics. I wish to talk about the green and pleasant land, for a change. England is no longer a country of hedges and greens and thatched roofs and vicars riding their bikes in country lanes and children marching off to school in their uniforms. The genteel homes with lovingly tended gardens and men playing dominoes on wooden tables outside the pub are long gone.
The deputy prime minister has made sure of that. The rest was taken care of by the violent yobs who are free to roam and bully. As Leo McKinstry wrote two issues ago, Britain is now a violent place because political correctness has blinded us to the dangers of immigration. The Britain I first knew was a stable society, with little support for extremist political parties. It was a socially disciplined society, with orderly crowds who observed the rules of social behaviour. Of all the changes I have witnessed taking place these past 50 years, no place has changed as much as England. All because our so-called leaders and the socalled Fourth Estate decided that Britain should be a multicultural society and to hell with what the British people really want.
So, by the time you read this, you will have voted back in the very people who are most enthusiastic about multiculturalism. What can the poor little Greek boy do all by himself? The thanks I get every time I try to warn the locals is some busybody sues me or threatens to have me arrested by Scotland Yard for fomenting a race riot. In the Bagel it’s already taken place. Aurora Salgado, a white teenager in a junior high school on the Upper East Side, was taunted and assaulted by her classmates because she was the only white girl there. Not a single newspaper except for the Post covered it. It was considered politically incorrect to do so. What made me laugh was the manner in which the Post covered the story. The word black was never mentioned. Only Aurora’s colour was. What freedom-loving English people should do is to boycott all newspapers and TV programmes that don’t tell it like it is. And get their news from the Speccie. This is the only way things will change. Hit them where it hurts, in the pocketbook.
Previous page
