The art of underachieving
Tom Norrington-Davies says that taking shortcuts in the kitchen
is suddenly considered stylish
On occasion the life of a cookery writer is akin to that of a Hollywood player. Friends who behave normally 95 per cent of the time phone me from somewhere noisy. Usually a supermarket. Then they ‘pitch’ dinner-party menus like embryonic blockbuster screenplays.
‘We open with Poilâne bread and artisan butter, all the best restaurants do that now. Then I’m giving them this amazing starter I got from a great book all about fusion cooking. Continental salad, I think it’s called. You know, it has an ingredient from every continent. Then the black cod miso thingy from Nobu. Not as difficult as it sounds, only I’m going to do it with something more sustainable. Then Delia’s sticky toffee pudding. I know what you’re thinking! But I hate doing pud and you can never go wrong with a Delia.’ Conversations like this make me think A.A. Gill was right (for once) when he called dinner parties the work of the devil. Why invite people round to cook them something you would never normally attempt, he asks, when there is a perfectly good restaurant round the corner?
If you agree, the bad news is that dinner parties, having dipped in popularity during the 1990s, are making a comeback. And for every RSVP there is an IOU. The good news, if it is your round, is that there has never been a better time to play caterer even if you don’t fancy your chances as the next Gordon Ramsay. Cheating is not just OK these days, it’s downright stylish.
Like so many of the good things in life, it all comes down to shopping. And Brits are good at shopping for just about anything but food. We shell out on fancy kitchens, smart gadgets and (weirdly) more cookbooks than anyone else in Europe. But a mean, or perhaps puritanical, streak in our national psy che makes us apologise for serving anything that isn’t ‘homemade’. The French (our culinary Joneses) wouldn’t think twice about fetching pudding from a pâtisserie or terrine from a traiteur. For centuries we have lived with the myth that the French can cook and we can’t. In fact, they just know how to shop.
If you plan to master this fine art form, just remember some key points. Firstly, do not try to disguise what you’re up to. Cheating with your head held high does not make you look like a bad cook. Saying sorry for it will. Secondly, remember you are not just buying food, but time. Don’t scrimp on convenience.
Most importantly, be ahead of the game. Thai fishcakes and Parmesan biscuits are a bit Ready Steady Cook. In fact, don’t do canapés. Do mezze or tapas. Spanish grub is very fashionable at present and so, importantly, is their booze. Try a spread of Iberico ham, Cantabrian anchovies, Arbequino olives and piquillo peppers served with very chilly glasses of fino. People will either think they are in Seville or Exmouth Market. Or you could just look east for inspiration. That’s north-east — to Scandinavian cured fish, Polish charcuterie and, wait for it, sauerkraut. Don’t make a face. This latest member of the superfood club is not only delicious; it is supposed to help you live for ever, like broccoli. Besides, it comes ready cooked. A true smorgasbord (the word literally means ‘buttered-bread table’) would make for an intrepid feast.
So much for raiding the deli counter. If you want to do at least a bit of cooking, remember to underperform. Buying top-notch animals, vegetables and minerals (well, OK, sea salt) means having to do very little to any of them, and this is about as ‘Noughties’ as it gets. Traditional or rare breeds of meat like salt-marsh lamb, Gloucester Old Spot pork or even game need only the simplest of accompaniments. And as for these, it almost saddens me to say that there are companies which have turned boil-in-the-bag into a near art form. Thanks to increasingly fast turn-arounds in mail order and online shopping, it is possible to produce a bespoke meal from a shopping basket, whether it is real or virtual. Just don’t invite Mr Gill.
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Useful Suppliers: Sayell Foods Tel: 020 7256 1080; www.sayellfoods.co.uk Excellent suppliers of Spanish foods. Graig Farm Organics Tel: 01597 851655; www.graigfarmorganics.co.uk.
Everything from rare-breed meat to dairy. The Butcher on Elgin Tel: 0207 437 7776; www.thegroceron.com From confit duck to saffron poached pears.
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