25 JANUARY 2003, page 79

Simply Stupid

Michael Henderson A BROKEN man came home last week on a slow boat from China. Paul Gascoigne still thinks there is some football left in him. Perhaps his rejection in the Far......

Q. As A Newly Commissioned Officer In A Regiment That

considers itself both pukka and professional, I have recently encountered a problem concerning the etiquette at formal dinner nights. Once seated, one may not rise for relief......

Q. We Recently Spent A Shooting Weekend In The Greatest

comfort in Northern Ireland. Unfortunately, the sporting delights of the house party were marred by the behaviour of one of the guns — Red Chris — who not only missed every bird......

Q. My Husband Has Recently Enrolled In A Lip-reading Course.

This follows his refusal to wear ear-protectors over many years of shooting, which has resulted in his becoming increasingly deaf. Can you recommend any way in which he can gain......