William sees double
Martin Spence
JUST-RICHMAL by Kay Williams Genesis Publications, £12.95 RICHMAL CROMPTON: THE WOMAN BEHIND WILLIAM by Mary Cadogan
Allen & Unwin, £12.95
Funny', said William to Ginger, 'here's two books the same about some ole man called Richmal Crompton.'
The Outlaws were languishing in the Spartan confines of the school library, held captive in detention by the English master's set task. An hour passed. Both books emerged begrimed and finger- printed.
'Odd name for a girl,' said Ginger briefly.
'She had a wasted leg and kept a special vase in the kitchen for dead flowers,' said William wonderingly.
The English master entered to release them. He was a man of conscience, worn down by years of schoolmastering. Some- where within the pale, bespectacled breast, hope sprang eternal. Courageously, he asked the detainees their opinion of their reading matter. Silence ensued.
'Come, come,' he said. 'Surely you must see that both books relate a life singularly deficient in interest. Miss Cadogan's is the work of a fluent journalist, an adept piece of bookmaking which seizes the opportun- ity to capitalise on her subject's current value in the antiquarian book market. Mrs Williams' is the work of an enthusiast, painstakingly researched and carefully illustrated.'
Silence again. 'Come, come,' the En- glish master repeated. 'Professor Golightly is coming to the school tomorrow. We cannot let him go away with the impression that our boys are devoid of intellectual interests.'
'I don't see why we shouldn't,' said William. 'I'm jolly well devoid of 'em an' I don't known anyone that isn't.' Henry, more discerning than William, and realis- ing that their early release depended on an answer of some kind, relented. 'It says here this old Richmal "flirted with fasc- ism", "projected her anima" and "had a mild hair fetish": 'Yes,' said William, warming to the discussion. 'If ever I wrote a book I'm goin' to have a picture of a big splash of blood on the front . . . It'd make anyone want to read it . . . It's 'str'ordinary to see two books like this with some ole girl's face on the front. Anyone sens'ble would sooner read about a murder than a girl any day
'An wot's this mean?', he added. 'She "had relationships without any lesbian connotations". Wot are they? An' if she didn't have the connertations, wot's the point of mentioning 'em?'
The English master turned pale. A minute later, the Outlaws, Jumble leaping beside them, were making their way across the fields to the Old Barn.
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