YOUR PROBLEMS SOLVED
Dear Mary. . .
Q. I am an expatriate living in a beautiful Art Nouveau apartment building where I am the only English-speaker. Recently my neigh- bour modernised his apartment by introduc- ing a new stove. This meant the disposal of his previous unit. As we live on the fifth floor and there is no lift, the old stove has now been standing on our shared landing for sev- eral weeks. Whilst the soup stains, goulash and pieces of dumpling offer a certain relief against the white enamel, I am now finding its continued display irritating and depress- ing. Given 85 stone stairs and language diffi- culties, what would you suggest?
G. C., Prague, Czech Republic A. In the technique of 'lethargy selling', unsolicited bulky goods are posted to peo- ple's homes on approval. A small print pro- viso informs the recipient that should the goods not be returned within two weeks, then he will be billed for them. Naturally, most recipients are too sluggish to find brown paper and string, let alone heave Parcels to the post office and queue up for stamps, so they end up paying until such time as they have the energy to write and warn that no further goods should be despatched to them. 'Lethargy looting' is exactly the same technique in reverse, and is practised by scrap dealers worldwide. They need only be tipped off as to the where- abouts of an unsightly and unwieldy metal object and they will beat a path to the owner's door. The lethargic owner will be only too delighted to let them take it away free of charge. Ask a friend at the British Embassy to send a likely dealer round to your building to shout the Czech equivalent of 'Any old iron?'
Q. Please advise me on a matter of some delicacy. What is the protocol for dealing with a dog which sticks its nose up your skirt and cannot easily be driven off? I have been invited to lunch with some neighbours whose labrador has proved deeply embar- rassing in the past. I like dogs but I do not want them nosing up my skirt.
S. T, Wilton A. Why not simply douse a walking-stick in aniseed and bring this with you to the household in question? Left in the hall for the dog to worry at, this should distract him from the personal area you mention.
Q. In the house of an old friend I picked up a small ornament to admire, and just as he was agreeing that it was rather attractive and telling me that it was a bit special, hav- ing been given to him in gratitude for something or other, I somehow managed to drop it, smashing it to smithereens. You can imagine how I felt. All he will say is that it's just one of those things and that we must both forget it. Short of waiting until the next time he is in my house and then handing him something of mine that is equally fragile and precious, and then jog- ging his arm so that he drops it, I can think of absolutely nothing I can do. Any sugges- tions?
Name and address withheld A. I cannot better your own suggestion.
Previous page
