Dearest Lizzy

SPECTATOR COMPETITION No. 458: Report by Joyce Johnson Competitors were invited to forestall the reported musical production of Pride and Prejudice by submitting lyrics.

;a8gestion of Marry Them Off. Secondly, the prob- iiorability and condescension' (Mr. Collins on Tni of judging between those who used present- parodies as 'Oh what a bountiful patron' and 1,Fle book, to say nothing of the various shades in trn the lines Miss Austen gives Darcy-1n vain nave I struggled. It will not do. My feelings will Flits'r of a11, acknowledgements to Audrey L. Laski for her title. I also liked Agnes Kennett's uetween, largely solved itself. As J. A. Lindon not be suppressed.' How well the rhythm of the phrases would go to music. Other authentic lines that competitors chose were 'Nobody feels for my LadY Catherine). These scored easily over such or nerves,' Every savage can dance' and 'All expressions and those who kept closer to `there is no need to turn it into treacle.' Listen DU II be far better off if you're bad' (Lydia). . Hearty applause for Helen MacGregor's open- Song for Mr. Bennet, Barbara Roe's solo for rlzia, A. M. Laing's proposal duet between „ abeth and Mr. Collins, Simia's lament for Mrs. uennet, R. A. McKenzie's clever solo 'A most ccumplished young lady' for Miss Bingley, and ` Norah Bone's Temberley shades must never,T Polluted' to be sung, of course, by Lady atherine in a rich contralto. A guinea! each to the five printed and to .AA may Jane forgive us all.

PRIZES

(J. A. LINDON) INTERRUPTION

Oh. Mr. Bennet! Oh, Mr. Bennet ! What'll we do? What'llldo?

Here's Mr. Collins in love with Lizzy- Oh, Mr. Bennet— My dear, I'm busy. But Mr. Collins has come to woo, And Liz declares he is one of those men it Is quite impossible she'd pursue! You know how stubborn, and foolish too, She likes to be. Oh, Mr. Bennet— MR. My dear, if only you'd leave my den it

Would be exceedingly kind of you.

MIts,

Mitts, ; MRS. B.: But Mr. Collins is thinking—

MR. B.: Is he?

MRS. B.: He might be wrong in espousing Lizzy, And means to marry another!

• Phew! MRS. B.: And she's not willing to wed him!

MR. B.:Then it 's a hopeless business.

MRS. B.: Oh, Mr. Bennet—

(D. R. PEDDY) PALTER SONG FOR MRS. BENNET

When your neighbours' plain daughters are all led to altars /As soon as their lovers have kissed 'em, And your house is entailed and you're daily assailed/ With a strain on your poor nervous system; When you've tried every trick and you've always been quick! To seize any and every advantage, And your husband won't stir and it doesn't occur/To your girls they approach maiden-aunt age; When all rich single men make you hopeful and then,/ Without warning, they set course for London, And no other proposes, they look down their noses,/ And all your arrangements are undone, Not even an ensign will give the 'say when' sign /To girls who perhaps could be cuter, When on the horizon one suddenly spies an /Entirely acceptable suitor . . .

(R. K ENNARD DAVIS) MR. DARCY PROPOSES

DARCY : Miss Bennet, heed a lover's pleading!

My weaknessIno more can hide. Love spurns the qualms of noble breed- ing, And Passion triumphs over Pride.

Despite the gulf between our stations, Despite your uncle in Cheapside

And all your terrible relations, Elizabeth! 0, be my bride!

ELIZABETH: Sir, though I fear my words be painful, lyet would have you understand

To woo in language so disdainful Is not the way to win my hand. Your pride it was that sowed dissension And broke my sister's heart; and so, I thank you for your condescension, But answer, most sincerely. No!

(ELIZABETH JACKSON) DUET IN THE LAST ACT

ELIZABETH: T give you no assurance;

Your journey here is vain. You press beyond endurance

Your questions in this strain. Your arguments I find ill-judged; I am not, Madam, to be budged.

LADY C.: I give you no good morning,

I take no gracious leave. I much resent your scorning, As you will apperceive. To Mrs. Bennet, too, I send No compliments from friend to friend.

A very

Boni : I take this } stringent measure

That marks her } keen displeasure To mark my Because she thinks my With one whose selfish attitude Betokens lack of gratitude.

(BARBA RA"WORSLEY-GOUGH) DUET FOR JANE AND ELIZABETH

ELIZABETH : Take care! Beware! /When our Mamma discovers/We have rich and handsome lovers

She may very well run mad, I fear,

JANE: Oh hush! I blush ! Mamma will go

distracted/When she learns that I've attracted A suitor with four thousand pounds a year.

ELIZABE111 : She'll reel, I feel,/ For mine has more than double/ Such an income. Oh, the trouble

We shall suffer from our dear Mamma's delight!

JANE: Adulation so embarrassing, Officious- ness so harassing—

Born: Let's keep our secrets for another night.