Banned wagon
A weekly survey of the things our rulers want to prohibit
WHEN the Prime Minister suggested last summer that drunkards might be marched to the nearest cashpoint and made to pay an on-the-spot fine, he was quickly persuaded to back down — not least because one of the policy's first victims would have been his son Euan, found 'drunk and incapable' in Leicester Square.
Nevertheless, many more face being frogmarched away under the innocently named Culture and Media Bill. A clause gives the Royal Parks Constabulary powers to impose on-the-spot fines for anyone infringing the Royal Parks Regulations (1997). So what might you have to do to be relieved of your savings? 'It'll take me all morning to read through this lot,' complains Tom Corby of the Royal Parks. Nevertheless, a taster suggests that this time it is little Leo, along with all the nation's children, who faces losing his pocket money.
Park-goers will face a fine for 'interfering with any plant or fungus' — woe betide the child who dares to make a daisy-chain. Feeding a pelican or riding a bicycle will also incur a fine, as will flying a kite or using any 'mechanically-propelled toy' — so. no flying model planes or sailing boats on the Serpentine.
More worrying for Mr Blair's elder children, riding a scooter falls foul of the rule against the use of any 'footpropelled device' except on park roads, while listening to a personal stereo would appear to infringe the ban on any device involving the 'amplification of sound' without written permission. Those who venture out joyously on a summer evening with a harmonica also face an instant fine: the playing of any musical instrument requires written permission.
Your dog won't actually have to eat a duck — as Roy Hattersley's Buster once did — for you to be asked to empty your wallet: allowing a dog to chase any animal will be sufficient to incur a fine, as will dipping your feet into a fountain. I think if I were head of the Link network, I'd get some cashpoints into Hyde Park quickly.
Ross Clark
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