15 MARCH 1986, Page 33

It being Lent

It being Lent, my vows but one day old, I should have passed The Rutting Stag But from the public bar hysteria was unleashed.

My entry was unnoticed, madness was abroad And my heart was afraid.

On the bar a small, white dog was sat.

Around its neck a Leeds United scarf.

Upon its head a cloth cap had been placed.

Under its nose a pint of beer was half consumed.

Lying beside the dog a set of plastic teeth Shrilled out their clockwork mirth.

The dog it caught my eye The teeth cried out 'This night your soul may be required of you.'

I left in haste Heart pumping, body in a muck sweat.

Cliff Ashby