I was so good at talking up Shepherd's Bush that I
I was so good at talking up Shepherd's Bush that I can't afford to live there now TOBY YOUNG Ifirst bought a flat in Shepherd's Bush in 1991 and I've never missed an opportunity to tell the world just how marvellous it is. The shops, the streets, the people — it really is a showcase for Britain's multicultural society. You couldn't ask for a more vibrant and lively neighbourhood.
My intention, obviously, has been to boost property values in the area so I can afford to move somewhere else. Almost anywhere in west London would be preferable — Olympia, Baron's Court, Queens Park — but Notting Hill would be my first choice. If only I could bring local property prices into line with most other west London neighbourhoods, I'd have a chance of relocating.
Well, I'm happy to report that it's finally happened. Prices in the area are now increasing at a faster rate than almost anywhere else in the capital. I don't suppose I can claim all the credit, but my relentless campaign to rebrand Shepherd's Bush as a fashionable, metropolitan 'hub' has clearly paid off. My initial investment of £20,000 in 1991 has — after a series of moves — matured into a decent-sized nest egg. I can now afford to move to another neighbourhood.
Unfortunately, that neighbourhood is Acton. The flaw in my otherwise perfect plan is that in the intervening 16 years I've got married and started a family. When our third child was born in June, my wife and I realised that our two-storey terrace house simply wasn't big enough. We thought about moving to Boscombe Road — one of the few streets in Shepherd's Bush with decent-sized houses — but then discovered that the cheapest property for sale on that street is £1.5 million My one-man crusade has been so successful that I've priced myself out of the area. Far from being able to relocate to Notting Hill, I can no longer afford to live in Shepherd's Bush.
So on 31 January of next year, the day we complete on our new home, I'll be moving to Acton. For the past 50 years, Shepherd's Bush has been the bottom rung of the metropolitan property ladder, but not any more. When an estate agent was showing us round houses in the area he uttered a phrase I never thought I'd hear: 'Acton is the new Shepherd's Bush.' That's like a car salesman describing the latest Eastern European import as `the new Skoda'. I was always vaguely aware that one consequence of my efforts to gentrify the area would be that another neighbourhood would take on its status as the cesspool of west London. I just never thought I'd end up living there.
I suppose I should be grateful that at least Acton is on the radar. Until recently I'd thought of it as uncharted territory, one of those places at the end of the map where nobody goes: here be monsters. I remember laughing when a friend who worked on World in Action told me that, following swingeing budget cuts, the staff had renamed the programme 'World in Acton'.
Needless to say, this is the last time you'll ever hear me speak ill of my new neighbourhood. From the moment I move in, I'll embark on a relentless drive to re-brand it as a leafy, middle-class oasis — not so much the new Shepherd's Bush as the new Chiswick. Indeed, I've already registered the domain name www.worldinacton.com and intend to use it to spearhead my campaign. If a deli or a gastropub opens in the area, I'll immediately post a glowing review on my website. I'm convinced that the two or three people in Acton who are capable of connecting to the internet will be extremely grateful.
I fear that it may be some time before I write my first review. When the estate agent showed us round our new house, one of the things that made a favourable impression on me was its proximity to an organic coffee shop. 'Perhaps Acton really is an up-andcoming area,' I said to my wife as we headed back to civilisation. I looked forward to including this coffee shop in my morning ritual. Who knows, with a bit of luck it might even be replaced by a Starbucks one day.
Following the exchange of contracts, I returned to our new neighbourhood with a view to exploring it properly. I pulled up outside the coffee shop, hoping to start my tour with a nice organic latte, but there was a notice in the window saying it had closed down. Evidently, there aren't enough middleclass people in the area to sustain a single decent coffee shop. The estate agent was right — Acton really is the new Shepherd's Bush.
Toby Young is associate editor of The Spectator. This is the first of a new weekly column.
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