A fool and his money

Job interview

Bernard Hollowood

As good white collar jobs in industry become increasingly difficult to obtain, candidates are realising that their Vehaviour at the final hurdle, the interview, is of crucial, make-or-break importance. And as something of an expert in this field I find that more and more ambitious young people are seeking my advice.

Let us suppose that you have been short-listed for a post with a large manufacturing enterprise. You travel by rail and bus to the company's head office and are ushered into a waiting-room to join three other young men, with whom you shake hands and swap names.

A secretary brings coffee and says that the interviews will be delayed by fifteen minutes because the managing director has been held up, and your nervousness, already considerable, begins to manifest itself in an involuntary twitching of your jaw and cheek muscles, in repeated tugging at your socks and the appearance of a misty vapour in the region of the neck-band of your collar.

You wonder whether you have dressed wisely for the occasion. Two of your rivals are in casual attire and look infuriatingly comfortable and confident. One wears a sports jacket, grey slacks, suede shoes and a tie that you suspect to be Old Etonian. The other is in brown tweed. The third candidate might be your twin: he is wearing a dark-blue pin-striped suit, white collar and floral tie.

The tweedy young man hands round cigarettes and all light up, though the resultant coughing and spluttering tells you that two of the three are non-smokers.

"I don't think you lot need worry about me," says sports jacket. "I'm only here for the ride: I got fixed up last week with ICI."

"And I shan't cause you any trouble," says pin-stripe. "I've decided to go back to Oxford for another year."

You are not, of course, deceived by this captrap and to prove it you invent your own ridiculous dis: claimer. "I have an aunt in Wakefield and I thought this a good opportunity to use the expenses for a visit. My people want me to go into teaching. Security, you know, even if it is on a pittance."

Coffee is drunk and qualifications are discussed. Pin-stripe says he has four A-levels and is half-way through an engineering diploma at Merrill Tech, near Oxford. Sports jacket, P. B. A. Jameson, says he always signs himself P. Jameson B.A., and sees no reason why his initials shouldn't be split in this way. Tweedy has a second in Modern Greats and was at St Martin's prep school and Winchester. You tell them that you have seven 0-levels, two A-levels' and a Royal Society of Arts Intermediate Certificate in business economics.

After these disclosures the candidates fall silent. You busy yourself by fingering at your shirt cuffs, untying and tying your shoelaces, combing your hair ,and examining your finger-nails. Then a door . opens and the secretary asks for Mr Jameson who springs to his feet.

"Best of luck," say the others, and as Jameson disappears, his hand on the knot of his tie, you follow him mentally and rehearse answers to imagined questions. Sheepishly you take out your cigarette case and peer into its metal back at the reflection of an incipient pimple on your nose. Then you tug senselessly at the heel of your left shoe....

Suddenly Jameson is back, grinning and giving an elaborate thumbs down sign. He sits and embarks on a bout of deep breath:ing.

You are next. You remember to shut the door of the interview room behind you without turning round. This is important. The candidate should not present his back to the interviewers, but should eye them boldly, one by one, as soon as he enters the room.

You wait to be told before taking a seat, and as you cross your legs you try to make sure that no bare leg is showing. Your hands flies to your pocket for a cigarette, but you halt the reflex action and lock your fingers tightly in your lap. Folding the arms is not recommended. It keeps the hands out of mischief, but gives the candidate a mildly. aggressive air.

The chairman of thee interviewing panel consults a paper, reads out your name and adds a question mark. "Yes, sir," you say.

"We have read your application form and testimonials with interest," he says. "Perhaps you'd be good enough to tell • us why you consider yourself suitable for this important post?"

You cough and begin your prepared speech, and as you proceed you are careful to switch your gaze regularly from one interviewer to another. The members of the panel are sensitive souls with reputations to be pampered. If there is a woman member, do not smile at her, for any change of mien will be considered as condescension.

When the chairman says, "When, if selected, would you be prepared to take up your duties?" do not assume that the job is yours and become careless. This is the moment to look impassive and to prevent, your hands from roaming to your comb, necktie, socks, flies or cigarettes.

"Well, we've asked you a lot of questions," the chairman says at long last. "Have you any questions to ask us?"

Don't make your first question one about fringe benefits. You've already Caught a glimpse of the boss's secretary and the quality of the female staff in general can be inferred from this exampre.

You may be tempted to make inquiries about Wicklow and Jones products — why Ackfield's, competitors, enjoy greater prestige and turn out goods that last almost as long as their one-year guarantee.

Just say, know all I need to , know because my family have been lifelong users of Wicklow and Jones products and wouldn't dream of buying any other brand." Then, on a nod from the chairman, you back towards the door and escape.

"That's settled my hash!" you say to the other candidates as you light a cigarette. "Phew! I wouldn't work for this bunch for all the bone in china."

, Then, when the secretary reappears to summon the third candidate, you tell her you've got an early train to catch and would like your expenses as soon as possible. She invites you into an adjoining room, and you sign for your rail fare and ask her what she's doing on the evening of the eleventh, the date on Which you start work on your new job.

By following my advice, you see, you've made certain of a position as. junior planning officer at Wicklow and Jones Co (1935) Ltd.